"You ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?"
Today the rains finally came.
I wrote another piece of prose for publication, and sent it off to an editor. Perhaps it will find an audience. I hope it will help someone. Perhaps it will bring me some food money for my family.
I am tired. My sewing business is growing. I don’t have time to entertain frivolous requests, and I will soon get to increase my prices. The solution is elegant; the logistics will take a bit of time.
Because the house, the children, the groceries, the volunteer work – all these are priorities over my craft. I smile at this because it will not always be this way. The children are growing and our lives change swiftly.
The children are growing. I am tired, and my children are growing faster than I am capable of keeping pace with. I practice a mindfulness breathing practice. Breathing in, I know I have a body. Breathing out, I smile at my body; I reconcile with it.
My days seem too short, and full of too much work. Something is amiss. The first Noble Truth. Something is amiss.
I am feeling less angry, more at peace with the events of this last year. I am thinking of my days before I found out terrible news, or should I say, hard news. Those days “before” are now a completely innocent memory to the pain and trouble I’ve wrestled with. This has tired me more than anything else. All that anger, and mistrust, and hatred, and fear. Near exsanguination. Crawling back to life now, a few moments in the sun here and there.
My child and I have an exercise. Every day I ask: Is there anything I have done today to hurt you, or to offend you? This is the one thing my child must answer honestly every day, no matter what. Today my child says, “You said ‘No’ to me, abruptly, and pointed your finger at me.” I hold my child close.
Both children put their arms around me, their hands in mine. Their trust in me and their love for me is something very precious. Is it wrong that in my mind I somehow fear to lose it, when it is likely one of those things that can somehow never be lost? A mystery no one can explain, that echoes through space and time with only itself, and the love cast out over many generations, to keep company and bear witness.Read More
I am home after vacation – six days. I drove into town and attended two back-to-back volunteer bits. Getting back to my house, I made a few phone calls to friends, and now I’m about to take a hot shower and fall into a bed with 100% freshly-washed bedding and a wonderful husband and perhaps a child or two.
I had a pleasant vacation, and I think my family did (I know Hutch did!). We have readers here and online elsewhere, to thank. People sent about half the expense. We will have some slim pockets from now until payday, but with mindfulness, gratitude, and trust, we will stay fed and cared for.
Tomorrow I must find a way to get my (non-running) car to the shop. Ralph’s car is also on its last legs. I was laughing with a friend about how I “always” seem to have car problems. “But at least they’re paid for!” I cackle.
Thank Goodness we are on the summer off-season: no need to get kids to a bus stop, and Ralph can bike ride to work.
I had many wonderful experiences and a little bit of awareness, meditating on vacation. When I’m rested, I will share more.
May any reading here, and those who do not, find happiness, safety, peace, and health.Read More
I am currently soliciting donations so we four can have a modest, 6-day Lake vacation – including a gathering for Ralph’s birthday!
As per usual, the support I receive online (through email, this site, Facebook, and Twitter) has been wonderful since the ten-plus years. This last year we’ve had a hard time with a few extra medical expenses, car trouble, and a lot of extra layout re: counseling for family trauma. That said, this is how Life works and I get that! We are hoping we can have our six days at the Lake as a vacation is good for anyone who can have one. If you can help in any way, it is appreciated. May I just offer my sincere gladness to those who read here, and those who comment or email, IM, tweet, or text. You are the reason I keep writing.
Thank you for reading and supporting in the many ways you do!
In other news, I launched a new website this month – B-movie BFFs! (tonight’s fare – 1977′s Crater Lake Monster; if you’d like to watch with us, follow the instructions as per the site). This is the home of my ridiculous “Sea Hunt” project; upcoming you can expect my spoiler-free review of Season 2 of “Hemlock Grove”.
I have been trying to find a B-movie podcast I can promote through the site, so I’ve been listening to those to find a good fit. Most of them are male-dominated and not as tightly-produced as I’d like to recommend. Yesterday I tried, then rejected one that had extremely offensive humor right from the get-go. Currently I’m listening to a couple young(-sounding) British lads who definitely watch the kind of movies I want to be talking about, and have a great sense of humor as well. Let’s hope I’ve found a podcast I can call home!
Ralph is, of course, trying to convince me to put forth my own podcast (hardcore fans of all things Hogaboom will remember my one-off in this regard back in, I think, 2010). It sounds like a lot of work but, as I’ve had so much fun building my site and creating my “Sea Hunt” ringtones (HUGE NERD ALERT), I am nonetheless tempted!Read More
Nels makes up little booklets of “how to” on how his day goes. Here’s his latest iteration - published with his permission, which is pretty cool. As you can see from the cover above, at first he wouldn’t even let me look in the book, let alone publish it here. He didn’t want photographs of the inside but he let me list the contents here:
1. Pray for this day [includes best-ever stick figure depiction of "prayer"]
2. Exercise! [another great stick figure]
3. Brush your hair & teeth [no more stick figures, guess he got tired ofd drawing them]
4. Wash your face
6. Eat breakfast
7. Do 5 chores
8. Listen to music
9. Play outside
10. Watch cool movies
11. Put retainer on
In other news: yes, I made Nels’ “bowling-style” shirt in this photo I just took of him, before he left for a friends’ date. I don’t think I ever took pictures of it when I put it together (and when I searched on my blog, I found this piece from five years ago - #LOLsob!). It has the name “nels” monogrammed on the front left using free-motion machine-stitching. The shirt is constructed in Kaffe Fasset shot cotton, features coconut buttons from Fashion Sewing Supply, and has been washed, dried, and worn many many times since I made it:
(Bun-Bun the rabbit’s inadvertantly-discarded raspberry at lower-right)
Today: working on a waxed canvas jacket, and prepping an awesome dinner from the Tex Mex cookbook Nels and I bought Ralph.Read More
“Look at me,” my son says. “Look at me with your pretty eyes. My Little Golden Finch.” I put my arm around him and my face into his neck. His skin smells wonderful – dusty-sweet. His arms around me. A little tender cloud, keeping me company.
Tonight I am tired. I’ve had poor sleep the last several nights and it has caught up with me. Far from being the energetic at-home worker today, I rested – a great deal. I rested, then I’d get up and do a little bit of housework, and of prepping for Ralph’s birthday. Then I’d rest more. I watched junky television. I rested. I had an evening commitment; I tried to help others.
We ended the day with a lovely dinner – Greek meatballs, lemon dill roasted potatoes, and tzatziki – then some time in the yard playing badminton. A lot of laughs there. And now: a hot bath and a soft bed. Perhaps I will feel better tomorrow; perhaps not. Tonight I want to wrap my arms around my children, around my husband, and sink into sleep, and I’d really like life to be a little easier, a little bit.Read More
Good news: I hung the most recent pieces of Phoenix’s in fiber art. I am very pleased with the results.
Here’s what’s funny about Phee’s pieces. They are all so good. It’s not really possible to pick a “best” so every now and then I just grab one (as in “Mutant Horse”) and then I scrimp and save to have them embroidered by another artisan (in this case, Nicole from Hoopla). It feels good to support another talented stitcher. It was also fun to swap stories with Nicole – you know, sharing our embroidery yarns. GET IT OH GOD I’M SORRY I’VE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH PUN-STERS
I am finally getting confident enough in my own embroidery skills I think I can just start stitching away the next time I feel inspired by someone’s work. I’ll probably want to have a few pieces ready - by Phee or Nels - for my upcoming vacation at the family cabin. If you want me to add a drawing of yours, or one you love, let me know! It’s a wonderfully meditative way to honor someone’s art.Read More