Yesterday evening our dog walked through the door after three days and two nights hospitalization. He is still very ill but – we hope – on the mend. He is eating of his own free will after almost a week and he can walk again although he staggers. Today he managed a bowel movement. Little things – that are big things, in Hutch’s world and ours at least.
I am still recovering, myself. I had never seen an animal suffer like this – and I watched my cat succumb to lung cancer. I didn’t panic externally but, I am not going to lie, I did a little bit on the inside. It’s that same fear and that same grief, I’ve seen it before, I’ve visited it, and sometimes I can experience the grief with serenity and sometimes – not so much..
But we got through what was, for Ralph and I, the worst bit of a large crisis in our family (paying the bill is going to be another matter). And I got through it while meeting my responsibilities as best I can, and with – hey! – a little dignity and a great deal of gratitude. My husband reminds me of a mantra his spiritual mentor tells him: “I don’t have to like my situation, but I have to like myself thorugh it.” An admirable goal and one to set sights on while stuff is going pear-shaped.
I am very tired as I think my kidney, the right one, is pretty messed up. I am finding myself in a place of fatigue. Times like this and life is on automatic. Get up, groom and dress, feed children, do housework, do other kinds of work, take care of one another and the animals, meet volunteer commitments, reach out to friends and care for them as best I can.
It gets me through!