if only i didn’t have to sleep. although, i’m not really sleeping.

I’ve had a lot of space this weekend. It feels so odd.

Despite what these two days were supposed to entail, for at least half of the duration, my son and I were not having quality time. He was being a shit. Yelling, pointing, demanding. I started getting out with him as much as I could between projects: a couple walks, time at the park, a steamed milk. For Nels, when we go out, he is a doll. He’s a party man, basically. He wants other kids, runaround time. At the very least, some quality time at a cafe with a spoon and hot, creamy foam in a cup.

Since yesterday afternoon he has been all sweetness and smiles. This morning he and I went to breakfast with Cyn and he ate all my toast and flirted with the restaurant patrons.

I can’t fall asleep easily without my husband. Two days with only half the shuteye I’m used to, and it’s taking its toll. My throat and nose have that stinging scratchiness. I haven’t been smoking in weeks; at least that’s not a factor. I am also lonely. Too much energy. My home is tidy; laundry pile tended to and put away. Yesterday I made three different dinners for friends and friends’ families. All my weekend project goals, accomplished.

Thank goodness, I have had a few girlfriends extend invitations to parties or playdates. Making room in their lives for me and my son. It feels very generous on their part.

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