My family throws a $5 Christmas, and has done, the past several years. The “rules” (which everyone but my grouchy-arsed father seems to break) are simple: an anonymous drawing provides each family member with the one corresponding person whose gift must not exceed $25. For everyone else, the limit is $5. Easy-peasy.
Of course, there are always the few panicked emails or calls from family who either don’t know enough or don’t care enough to pay attention to our little foursome (Billy, that’s you this year, apparently). I often cobble together a list of possible items – a long list, so there can still be surprises – to help out those struggling to buy for us.
Well, today I was asked to come up with my suggestions for my husband and this is what popped into my head:
$5
Burt’s Bees Bay Rum – soap or aftershave (he loves this stuff!)
socks (he likes argyle)
underwear (34 – 36 W, or size Large)
photo paper (for printing)
dried fruit or other relatively non-perishable healthy food (for work)
small earrings
seeds for planting / gardening stuff
hand ointment (knuckles are dry and cracking)
travel coffee mug
$25
jeans (34 X 32/34) – casual pants, not work pants
long sleeved or short sleeved t-shirts / casual shirts
pajama bottoms
Of course, double-seated elastic waist Dockers are good too (Simpsons in-joke, doy!). Anyway, typing these out made me feel a fondness for my husband. Back when I was working and we didn’t have kids I used to spoil him by buying him all this stuff. It’s sad to think now I have no financial power of my own – and anything I buy for him comes out of the family coffer which has nothing to spare (Example. “Hey, do you like your new jeans?” “Yeah honey, they’re great – too bad our power is getting shut off tomorrow!”).
Fuck.
Anyone reading this who wants more Ralph info email me – my email is kelly AT hogaboom DOT org!