Today is my oldest’s birthday. This morning she sits on my lap and I sing “Honey Baby” by Damien Jurado to her. This was her favorite song for, oh, two years. Long before she could speak much more legibly than to ask for “first time baby” (a key line from the song) in such a little duck voice that we didn’t always know what she was saying.
In my fridge sits a few pounds of lunchmeat and in my cupboard, 50 or so devil’s food cupcakes. Sophie’s preschool birthday meal will wait until tomorrow. And today, the weather is crummy. Cold and blustery. Last year it was cold but at least sunny, dazzlingly so. I don’t remember it so much until I re-read my blog entries from a year ago. Those were good times. My friend Jodi was pregnant and visiting with her daughter Cyan; my friend Abbi was pregnant and anxious and huge and we were all so excited about her baby-to-be. I was blissfully un-pregnant and had just stopped nursing my oldest and was so proud of my Big Girl.
This year: I am still ambivalent about weaning Nels. He’s done. He points at my breasts when he sees me in my bra and says, “Nees!” with this tone like, “Hey, those things are awesome for some reason that is not immediately occurring to me now! I love those things! Bring that good stuff over here, Mama!” (it’s so eerily exactly how men dig breasts in that vague, Hey, can I have those in my hands or face please? way and I am not kidding in the least). I am blissfully not only not-pregnant but probably (my feelings are mixed on this too) never to be pregnant again (“You’ll have to find some other man if you want to do that again,” quipped Pegs the other day. My friends like to comment on Ralph’s sterility). A new chapter, moving forward. My feet edge toward the threshold between raising young children and just having children.
Ralph is doing better. I think he’s enjoying his job less; I think he feels pinched in some way beyond the normal juggling act of having a young family. I’m proud of how talented he is at his job and I’m also so grateful he works for a company that does good things. I honestly think it helps he and I immensely that his contributions have a greater meaning than Commerce.
Today will probably be an at-home day for the large part. I am going to take Sophie back to school tomorrow and keep her close to me today. I’m thinking after my first cup of coffee I’ll pull myself together and take the wee ones on a bus ride downtown (to the new Boiler Room). It’s fun looking at the weather from inside the bus, especially now that Li’l Demon Boy will actually sit on my lap in a (relatively) docile manner.
To come later today: birfday pics.