things i’ve heard at home that may be kind of weird, now that i consider them

“Was David Lee Roth in any bands before Van Halen?” (Ralph, to me, and what’s sad is I had an immediate response as if I was thinking along the same lines).


“Please don’t compare my balls to Burt Reynolds’.” (Ralph again).


Sophie, in the car: “Phew! What smells like leprosy?”

Me, startled: “What? Do you know what that is?”

Sophie: “Yeah. It’s when your toes and fingers rot and fall off.”

Me: “Where did you learn about that?”

Sophie (airily): “At my Bible school.”*

Nels: “You’re right! It smells like rotting… like onions. An old onion.”

Me: “Well, that restaurant I was just in was cooking, maybe they were using onions.”

Kids (with more scorn on their faces than you can possibly imagine): “An old onion?” “Yuck.” “Gross.” etc.


Among other things, I sincerely weep for their targets should they become professional epicures.

* Sophie has gone to Bible school less than once each year, but she threw this out there like it was some college she had a degree from.

Comments are closed.