It is passing 6 AM and will soon be light out. I have been hit with the no-sleep curse, something that strikes every now and then and is a pretty disruptive force. I’ve had to cancel (much-looked-forward-to) plans for tomorrow – um, actually today, only a few hours hence – and this cancellation, though regrettable and suck-tastic in just about every way, at least means I may in fact get a bit of rest. You know, before the kids are up and my services are required.
Have I written much about how very, very much I hate insomnia? There is no upside. Or if you can think of one, let me know. In fact, call my phone number with your thoughts at about, oh, 8 AM, just when I’ve probably drifted off. Shite. The terrible thing is I was almost asleep right around 4:30 and something snapped me to wakefulness: likely an impending sense of doom, which happens to me often enough at night. I am too tired and worn out to get up and sew, or write a good film review, or do the dishes or start some bread or do anything. I am just sitting here kind of hating myself for having sleep problems. How very un-mellow of me.
Thank Jeebus for two things: first my son, whose warm, lovely body is curled up next to mine. He drifted off late, late, late, with his arms around me and his last words were, “You are my girlfriend, my precious Little Mama.” This makes up for some of the times he comes after me with a knife. So anyway, he’s here, and he feels and smells better than just about anything.
Second thing I am thankful for: my husband’s laptop because I can at least just loll around, no pressure, while I await my body to take its rest. My choices for viewing tonight have thus been “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog” (very good; albeit too brief), and The Thin Blue Line, the latter a documentary on the killing of a Texan police officer (and Texans in general, holy moly!). Both were viewed with absolutely no preconceived notions of content nor context, for which I’m grateful; I do hate, though, to have accidentally surprised myself with a movie-watching session ending on decidedly sociopathic notes. My brain can only handle so much.
So: I’m off to log a few more minutes of viewing (look, if I have to, I’ll watch some real dumpage* if it means it will lull me to somnolence!) and hopefully get some shut-eye. And seriously? I’m hoping some love and tenderness is coming my way. Universe, I need it. Worn out and frazzled.
* ETA: I admit it – I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I’m so, so sorry, my friend. I hate The Insomnia. I take medicine for it now. Because when I don’t sleep, it lasts for days and then my head gets really out of control. Sigh. I hate it. The insomnia AND the medicine.
Although my therapist told me once that turning on the computer was too bright and would waken me more, so I now turn on a soft light and read a book. I think she was right about that one.
Thank you for your words of sympathy, which are exactly what I need right now. Actually I need a lot more, hopefully from many sources. Ugh. Just: butt-hurt, tired, and low.
I did have a prescription for medicine, and it was good stuff. I suppose I could get it refilled… It really was incredibly disruptive to my entire day today.
Thank you for your comment (and I agree with what your therapist said re: books, computer!).
have either of you tried homeopathics for your insomnia?
i feel for you. functioning without sleep is no good for anyone. everything has the potential to turn a horrible horrible shade of grey-black when there’s a serious lack of sleep. yuck and bleh. i hope the sleep returns to you soon.
if you need or want thoughts about which homeopathic remedy would be a good one for you personally, specifically, i’d be happy to type out what my homeopathic reference books have to say about insomnia. you could choose your own. (in case you like this idea, but don’t know much about homeopathics, don’t go to the store and read the labels about what each one says it’s good for. it’s way too person-specific for that method to have much success.) i mean this for you, too, K8.
I have no advice, just sympathy.