Today my son swam back and forth in the deep end of the recreational pool, over and over and with a smile on his face. He flipped over on his back and swam, and stuck his thumbs-up out of the water and winked at me.
Then he took me over to the lap pool and swam the length of that. Three times.
I’d love to write a little essay on the YMCA and their berjillion weird and contradictory pool rules, including and not limited to: children are the responsibility of the lifeguard, NO WAIT they’re the responsibility of the parents’/carers’; If the kids can swim they’re allowed in the deep end of the rec pool, NO THEY’RE TOTALLY NOT unless they’re at least eight!; you can swim in the lazy river if you’re taller than the water level, NO YOU CAN’T YOU MUST WEAR A LIFEJACKET, then No you’re NOT allowed to wear a lifejacket in the lazy river EVAR. And my personal favorite duo: small children must be within five feet of a grownup at all times; a grownup may supervise up to ten children at a time (the mental picture of the supreme unfunness in one adult with ten small children within arms’ reach, moving through the pool like so many cilia attached to a central grownup protista, is a hilarious and untenable one).
There’s also this whole “swim test” proposition posted everywhere which somehow involves testing and receiving a bracelet and getting more swim rights (I can’t even snark on the standards of this “testing” in any way because I don’t see any bracelets on kids, ever, so I have no idea if these systems are even in effect).
Given all this and the many times some lifeguard would tell my son “You can’t do that until you can ‘swim’ [meaning their version of swimming] across the pool” (I hasten to add most lifeguards recognize his swim-competence and let him do what he knows he can) Nels did what was logical: he taught himself to swim and today he took on their test. Given their inconsistent rules and spotty enforcements I don’t think the issue of Nels’ swim freedoms is as settled as he thinks it is. I really do mean to talk to the director of the pool scene (a rather grumpy person who is clearly managing a very large program) and try to figure this crap out. But in the meantime we are having about 99.9% fun on our swim dates and Nels’ and Phoenix’s pleasure in the over two hours of swim time we had today was pure joy.
Another first: in the course of the day we took the bikes out all around town and to East Side HQX which meant riding up then down a bridge that is very steep and has an icky re-entry to road traffic at the bottom. Naturally I was worried because Nels is not only a Speed Demon he’s a (calculated) Risk Taker in general, and the bridge path was made perfectly slick by today’s on-and-off rain. Riding behind Nels on the steep grade I held in my mind two truths that formed my amazing reality: A. the worst that could happen to him would be a broken wrist or busted-out teeth and B. I was actually okay with this because I know Nels is doing exactly what he should be doing: stretching his abilities (within his supreme self-knowledge of them) to accomplish something he wants to master.* Don’t get me wrong, crash injuries are terrible to imagine like any injury to one’s child (Phoenix’s horror-crash happened exactly a year ago!). This is why as I was behind him my chest fluttered and I felt supremely alive. As we sped down the thoroughway I talked him through trying out his brakes on the slick surface and he tested these with an expert handling of the resultant slight fishtail. At the bottom of the bridge he firmly stopped in the exact correct spot.
It’s funny because a very short time ago I was helping my little duckling daughter travel on the same bridge and now she’s so bike competent I can focus entirely on talking Nels through our ride, knowing she is behind me as well-furnished a rider as I (given much of our ride is on a highway with log trucks and a small but unpleasant selection of asshole drivers I really do appreciate being able to focus on my son). Halfway through our ride Nels began hand signals before turns, cautiously lifting his arm and shoulder-checking and discussing strategies for stop signs (which can be treated as yield signs by cyclists). He was so engaged and having such a wonderful time it was almost possible for me to not have my mind blown at how effortlessly, joyously, and willingly kids learn a whole passel of fucking awesome skills if you merely help in the ways they request help.
When we got home Ralph was already here and he got started on the meal I’d planned – fried chicken, peas, and German potato salad. He also brought me home a bottle of Jack which verily I shall be making into ye olde toddies anon. And just now I get a phone call: Phoenix has spent the afternoon and evening with a friend who now wants to stay the night, so: Sleepover! (which you simply must imagine me saying in the tone of “Orange Mocha Frappucino!”)
It’s been a good day times one hundred.
* He’s also gotta lose those teeth soon anyway.
Amazing. Thank you for posting this. The adventure of watching my 2-year-old stretch his wings is a daily wonder, and while I’m nowhere near where you are (though I know it’s just around the corner), your essay makes me all the more excited to give him the support and freedom he needs.
I love that you’ve written about something that is a normal part of childhood in such a way that it becomes more than that – it becomes a special celebration of life. Which, really , is how it should be. You remind me exactly why I love to be at home with my 3, enjoying every moment I possibly can with them.
“if you merely help in the ways they request help.”
This was a standout comment for me. More so in the intimate act of parenting than in my professional experience as a teacher (which is also deeply intimate, but not so continual), I have seen that when adults (including myself & husband) set out to teach children something specific it is often oriented from how we want to teach and what we expect them to gain than what they intrinsically want or need to learn and the help they expect to get there.
In our family, we as parents are growing by listening to our daughter more and asking her how we can help when she asks for it, rather than stepping in and providing the help we assume she needs based on our own unspoken agendas.
Thanks for sharing your experience with continuing to support your children in this way.
@luckychrm
In our family, we as parents are growing by listening to our daughter more and asking her how we can help when she asks for it, rather than stepping in and providing the help we assume she needs based on our own unspoken agendas.
I’m always happy to hear this. It creates a profound trust in the child and it increases intimacy and the wisdom to know what kind of guidance to offer – not to mention a deep sense of honor and joy to provide what our children ask for.
Nels wants a unicycle. I am going to try to find him one (in his size, which stumped even Terry the BSG). I wonder how he’ll fare on it.