Oh god, it’s past 10:30 PM so I’m kind of too tired out to go through the whole cycle of blame.
I mean it would seem at first like the fault lies squarely with my mother, but actually the catastrophic snowball shame effect began days ago, when Karen and Shelly posted a Thank You to their pattern testers on the blog… and naturally I wanted to glance through the websites and photos of those I keep company with, as a pattern tester… and maybe to Ralph and the kids and my mother I talked a little about this or that, and maybe at lunch the other day on a totally separate topic I encouraged my mom to go visit her ex-boyfriend, because she’d been so into him and exclusive and they had a torrid affair then she dropped him like yesterday’s moldy potatoes… Well…
Long story short:
My MOTHER – who heard me wistful about the two kittens I’d seen on the abovementioned blog (and maybe I said I’d like to ADOPT two kitties but in the future when we can afford them! I was sure to add) – went out to her ex-boyfriend’s place (on my advice being a friendly daughter!) and he coincidentally produced two kittens out of the tandem strains of awkwardness and his (now-unrequited) love for her, and she came directly from the little commune out there and SHOWED UP ON MY DOORSTEP and when I opened the door she blurted out, “I have kittens” and proceeded to get them out for me, and just as my stomach sank and the kids swarmed over them and made every promise under the sun to care for them, and I said, “Mom… I can’t afford ‘free kittens’ right now, I mean we had to borrow grocery money from you this week, and they need de-flea’ing and food and shots and…” she then promised to pay for these various and sundry, thereby rendering herself a Kitten Benefactor if you will, and this news was so surprising and allowed the crack of hope to form in my stone heart such that I shared with my husband and upon hearing the financial bounty he took back his threat about bringing home a Drownin’ Sack, and my mom went out and got their little litterbox and litter and food and enough flea medicine for the next eight months for all my kitties ($60 just for this medicine!), and we cuddled and loved up the little Fish Mongers and the kids were so happy and I felt all tickled and then she said,
“Well, I gotta get back to work,”
And left us with these Ridiculous! Little! Bundles! of Doom! It was like this huge TRICK!
So the kids and I whipped the house into shape and made the beds up and put out fresh water and food (some fancy-ass shit!) then piled warm laundry in a makeshift bed for them. While I finished chores and packed our bikes for a trip out the children instinctively began ascertaining litterbox training (the cats were indeed tidy in this respect) and by the time we biked by my mom’s she was out in the yard so we all went to eat lunch at an outdoor ale house and hey, while we’re celebrating let’s each have a spicy Bloody Mary. And my mom paid for most of lunch and the kids and I picked up groceries for homemade pizza and we headed home and had a summer afternoon and evening with our new babies and the neighbor kids and my mom later came over for the pizza too.
I seriously do not know how today became a ridiculous party. But it did.
Welcome to the household, Hamilton (female):
Who can count and tell me how many mouths Ralph’s income has to feed?
It’s terrible, isn’t it? Once you see them, they get under your skin. Back in my pre-children days Scott and I picked out 2 kittens (sisters) which we got for free from a woman who had too many animals and a lot of kids. We got them on Halloween (they were black cats), and named them Circe and Vesta. 4 days later Circe is throwing up and after the vet examines her we find out that she’s got something stuck in her intestine and it’s either put her to sleep before she dies or do $300 worth of surgery to save her. I was already in love, so I begged Scott to let me pay for it, since I was working at the time and making more money than him. We paid for it, she survived and went on to do all kinds of crazy things – swallow a threaded sewing needle and actually pass it without killing herself, fall from a 5th story open window and only break her jaw,etc. – thereby becoming the world’s most expensive free cat. I hope yours turn out to be less expensive.
Welcome Hamilton and Laurence! I just want to jump through my computer and cuddle those widdle bitty faces.
And I apologize in advance for the unsolicited advice, but I have a theory that if you never take a cat to the vet they’ll live longer. I know. So says the lady who’s dog gets chemo, but I really believe in low maintenance outdoor kitties. If I adopted a cat today I’d get her dewormed and deflea’ed (and maybe a 4-in-1 vaccine [no FIP or FeLV]) and then cuddle for infinity. Hamilton and Laurence just might be low budget yet.
Congrats!
Jaysus Murphy, those are some cute cats. I love it when a day goes all sideways in a way that involves kittens, money, and good food.
Those might be the cutest kittens I have ever seen.
“The Adventures of Ham and Larry” I expect a short story from one of the kids soon!
@Jen
Oh good Lord we’ve had pets like that. And I totally LOVE that you spent all that money on curing Circe. Seriously I know not everyone can afford that, and some of us who “can’t” afford it do anyway, and it’s a hard decision to make that call, but really in my experience it’s always been worth it to dish the money out for pets who need it.
Let’s face it we Hogabooms are basically a goddamned cat rescue scene.
@JJ
Besides shots and neutering what other thing would we need to take them in for vet-wise? By the way I think I am SO OVER the booster-shot for rabies. Who hears about rabies anymore?
@Jasie
I’ve got to get a video of Hamilton “walking”, she has a round fat tummy and can’t even do it right.
They slept between Ralph’s legs ALL last night.
I say congratulations and don’t worry about money. But maybe be careful about flea stuff at so young an age. I think Kitty (apt name) has some herbal flea deflecter for sale at the gallery.
Oh! Little kits are expensive, but goodness! Look at their cuteness! I’m sure there will be much kitteh love, and any money spent will be well worth it. 🙂