Last night I had one of those not-really nightmares, more like a nuisance-dream, where I couldn’t get the neighbor boy and his brother to leave my house. This dream was not likely that important or relevant but I think there are some anxieties I’ve been feeling about the care of this neighborhood child. The older brother hardly ever steps into my house except to order the younger one home; but the younger one is at my house nearly every minute his parents are gone and/or he is not required to be with family or in school.
So today when he came at his customary time I told him I wasn’t ready for company in the home. To my surprise I later realized he was merely sitting in my backyard (after having asked permission to be there) and waiting, preferring this over his television and many video games at home. He did not as in days before knock on my door every five minutes (I am not kidding about this frequency). I like to think he has listened to my petition that he please not do this – and hopefully he trusts me I relay to my children immediately upon their waking that he wants to play with them (which I do). Today Phoenix played in and outside and while she was in this neighbor boy merely waited patiently for her to re-emerge. His loneliness and desire for meaningful connection is palpable.
It was a big day for Choppy – yes, you heard – CHOPPY, the (very horrid) grasshopper Phoenix had been trying to rehab. Choppy is/was quite large and my daughter requested I pet him/her goodbye. Look at the maniacal, angry eyes:
Incredibly, Phoenix knew this was a locust – a bit more specific than the descriptor grasshopper. I’m thinking (after doing a bit of research in Insects of the Pacific Northwest by Peter Haggard and Judy Haggard) Choppy is of species dissosteira carolinus aka Road Duster or the mourning cloak grasshopper.
Ralph had a long day in conference up in Tacoma. We went to pick him up and when he got in the car to the tearful hugs of our son (who was crying because he’d mispronounced the word “office” repeatedly while leaving Ralph’s work phone a voicemail) I asked if we could try one of the few new restaurants in the area. Downtown Aberdeen was hosting a Clint Black concert at the D&R Theater so our original choice restaurant had a rather large waiting list. In lieu of this Phoenix asked for Teri’s Steakhouse, a repurposed building that used to be a rather unappealing bar. And I could tell our daughter was worried we’d say No since we are not super steak-y.
Here’s something I love about me, or something I did today I’m happy about. They had modestly-priced Kid Menu items, just a couple. But Phoenix loves steak and was disappointed this wasn’t in the “kid” options like Nels’ choice of chicken nuggets. Our daughter thought this meant she couldn’t have steak. I told her of course she could, just to order off the adult menu (she looked for the smallest-size steak, ever mindful of Appropriateness). And of course she could have chocolate milk. And would she like soup or salad? Ralph and I split a cheaper entree rather instinctively because hey, steak dinner, expensive right? And I knew I’d have so much pleasure in watching her eat exactly what she wanted. She was quite serious about critiquing the soup – a navy bean and ham. “Spicy, but quite good!” she said – and ate every bit.
Ralph and I were hungry and we’d ordered short-shrift so after demolishing our little salad we tried to control our still-ravenous appetites and act polite. When Phoenix was finished with her food we poked around and ate tomato slices and bits of New York steak and fries. It was rather efficiently done. The restaurant gave us complimentary cake at the end. A cream cheese frosting drizzled with caramel. Rather lovely, all of it.
Photography by Phoenix:
You know, I don’t mind living here much, maybe because the little stuff like trying some new restaurant out and watching how happy it makes the kids, and it’s lovely outside and all.
(Edited to add re: Choppy):
Ahh, the child menu. We still have Kylie order from it out of habit. I know that she would prefer “adult food” but even she orders from the kid menu out of habit, and a lot of the time she doesn’t eat it. I can’t remember where I heard/read it, but someone once pointed out to me that the kid’s menu sucks, why would anyone want to eat from that selection.
More and more I am finding things that just don’t sit well with me anymore. Things that were once humorous (with my first daughter), but now seem mean. For example, my wife still requests a table for two and a half. I know she’s saying it out of habit and isn’t trying to diminish Kylie, but it bothers me because Kylie isn’t half a person. I briefly consider asking her not to refer to Kylie as a half, but it feels like nitpicking.
Another one is when we go to the movies. The theater we frequent has a play center for the kids. You can pay slightly less than a movie ticket and your child can go to the play center while you watch a movie. They have all kinds of games, toys and movies. “Play center” is the official name, but my wife calls it “day care”. I know that “day care” doesn’t have a negative connotation for everyone, but to me it means a place where you drop your kid off to be “watched” while you do whatever. It’s not a fun place (memories from childhood). But Kylie loves this “play center” and looks forward to going. All the ladies know her by name and enjoy having her there. If she ever said that she didn’t want to go or decided she was bored with it, I would make other arrangements or see a movie that she would want to watch. I have mentioned my objection to calling it day care. My wife is trying to change her words, but it always slips out. I’m probably making more out of it than I should, but at least I’m being honest about it.
I know it sounds like I’m criticizing my wife, and I don’t mean to. She hasn’t been reading all of the homeschooling/parenting stuff that I have buried myself in. She prefers to have me lead the way and fill her in as we go. It’s just tough sometimes to convey the same message when paraphrasing. She’s doing a great job, especially since I “led the way” with our first daughter authoritarian style and now she’s having to unlearn all the crap I was pushing back then. I’m so glad I’m not that guy anymore…well, most of the time anyway. 🙂
It sucks to so profoundly wrong.
BTW, my oldest daughter is a great person. I just think I robbed her of self-reliance. She’s not helpless. She just grossly underestimates her capabilities thanks to me, but we’re working on it.
* It sucks to BE so profoundly wrong.
@Kidsync
The kids menu often “sucks”, I agree. Sometimes I only have a twenty dollar bill and I have to give my kids a heads-up that if we go into the diner we can’t order pop or we have to split food (the other option is to take our bikes home and let me cook/prepare, etc). Tonight we were “flush” (probably because Ralph was spending rent money?) and thus: steak for the girl.
Also I was recently dealing with being SO IRRITATED with my kids if they ordered more food than they can eat. Now I tell myself this is a possibility if we go to a restaurant. I don’t lecture them about it anymore nor expect them to eat if they’re not that hungry, etc. First off I’m feeling less anxiety, and secondly they are making choices that seem to waste food less. P.S. I think I was lecturing them or being pissy up until, oh, about a month ago? Argh. I really do suck sometimes.
More and more I am finding things that just don’t sit well with me anymore. Things that were once humorous (with my first daughter), but now seem mean.
ZOMG. I do too. The worst thing is I know I’ve written things I’d now consider cringe-worthy – on this very blog for anyone (theoretically) to see. It actually has been torturing me lately. I find myself wishing I’d never written at all. I am unsure what to do with this new series of feelings.
At any rate… I’m sure you and I’d agree it’s better now to have an awareness and good for us both. Many people never do reconsider some of the mean but supposedly innocent ways we refer to our kiddos in our words and/or hearts and/or minds.
I am impressed with you “leading the way”. Yes, there will be uncomfortable moments with partners, maybe arguments, maybe just tensions or slip-ups or irritations. And first-child guilt, I think all parents have that because we often (not always) are more limited parents to our first children (to varying degrees). The alternative would be to never work to improve our strategies and I’m sure neither you or I (or our partners and kids) really want that.
Thank you for your comment; it’s always stimulating to read your perspectives.
All I can say is that dissosteira carolinus looks scary as hell! Robot like and coldly uncaring.
I’m curious to know what the locust was being ‘rehabbed’ for and how it came to be that Phoenix found it and made that decision. My Maeve, animal lover extraordinaire (while at a friend’s cottage on the Chesapeake she wouldn’t eat the crabs they caught in the crab pots because she felt sorry for them), has no love for bugs of any sort and this would totally freak her out. I realize that Phoenix doesn’t have this phobia – or, at least to Maeve’s extent – but I find it fascinating that she wanted to ‘rescue’ an insect.
@Jen
Choppy had a hurt wing. There is no creature too small Phoenix doesn’t feel empathy. I should bring home one of these to test her. [ shudder! ]
@Jasmine
“Robot like and coldly uncaring” is right. In fact I had to add a little video in my blogpost, thinking of it.
No giant insects were harmed during the making of this film. Any similarities to actual giant insects living or dead is purely coincidental.
@Kidsync
Plus a young Peter Graves. Adorable!
Loved the addition!!!
That photo of Phoenix with the EYES? I believe they call it presence.
@Medrie
I know. When I see pictures of my kids like that it gives me the shivers.