some things that make me feel better

Yesterday my daughter stayed home while my son and I took a walk to the bus for groceries. We were halfway there when we met my mom and with her characteristic kindness she offered to let me take her van. I was feeling blue and overwhelmed by a few things – I’m still struggling with this today – but the last 24 hours have included these decidedly bright-firecrackers that have reminded me of the Good Things in my life.

Thrilled(Cute? Or kind of menacing-looking? She’s actually quite happy here as I’ve agreed to her request to stay home while Nels and I went off for groceries.)

Like my daughter and how much she’s basically her own person. She has grown into someone who needs only a little bit of help to get her goals met. She is amazing at knowing when she needs assistance and how to ask for it. She is incredible at standing up for what’s right and articulating her needs. Today my mother took the kids out for lunch and I watched as my daughter ordered so politely with a “please” and a “thank you” for each item, looking up from her little sci-fi novel, affording the waitperson with presence and respect and gratitude.  I am in a place now where I worry very little for my daughter but feel only joy and pride when I think of her. We live in the house together and experience deep connection and interpersonal freedoms. This is an incredibly fortunate turn of events and a real privilege. I will enjoy this time now while it lasts.

Like my son who talked alongside me during our sunny ride to the grocery store and while we walked in aisles and I fetched down good coffee (for our next guests) and cheap coffee (for Ralph and I) and did math in my head while he talked and daydreamed aloud (mostly about Plants vs. Zombies, and P.S., my husband IMd me this today which made me laugh). While I waited for him to fetch our cart I gazed at Nels in his little coat speculatively and fought with a bout of sew-insecurity (brought on by my recent prospect of sewing for others) and a woman my brother went to school with smiled at me and said, “Do you have a garage sale for all this wonderful clothes you sew, when he grows out of them?” and I took down her email and I felt gladness again and this decidedly blessed feeling, there really is no other word quite right, life spinning out with the things we love. And again, so fortunate, for now, so much in my life to be grateful for…

And later in the aisle Nels saw my difficulty in managing my little cart and he offered to carry the six-inch jade plant I’d selected, wanting more green growing things in my home, and the little plant kept falling over in the cart. And my son walked through the aisles talking to me and carrying my plant for me and I felt infused with Love for his small kindness.

And today when they neighbor boy – who deeply loves my children, Phoenix especially – came over with a garden snake he’d captured and the kids on their own set up a little tank for it to live and I told them, “I don’t think we should keep it as it is wild,” and Phoenix said, “Can it stay with us for one day?” and I said Yes and now we have a lovely ferocious little creature, Perfect and beautiful, spending a strange 24 hours in a foreign habitat before we part ways.

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