It’s Friday again! Who gets to have a bona-fide weekend? What are you looking forward to?
To get you started on your fun/relaxation/debauchery, here are some stellar links:
First: Ralph, our friend Jeanne, and I are proud to unveil the website for the Fiber and Textile show we’re curating! And I never thought I’d say this, but if you’re on Facebook, please “Like” us. It will help us get some wine sponsors, for one thing. Listen: I am so very excited about this project. If you know any artist, non-local or local, who may be interested in submitting a piece (please check out our About thesis statement) send them our way. Thank you!
Radical Homemaking: It’s Not a Competition by Shannon Hayes, as sent to me by my friend Cynthia. This is a wonderful piece about following one’s passion, taking up friends and mentors – and the experience of envy, which we would do well to recognize, acknowledge, and unpack.
How to blog and comment on race, feminism, and equality at What Tami Said. For any readers taking an interest in my social justice interests, this particular piece spoke so strongly to me. I can’t say enough good things about Tami’s work, and this piece is the kind of work I’ve come to expect from her, and enjoy so much. I hope her pieces continue to be shared the internet over.
“When I Became Pregnant” at My Feminine Mind. This was written by a Christian-identified mama in first person and I thought it was a touching piece (trigger warning for discussion of self-harm).
Make the World’s Smallest Photo Postcard at photojojo. This is exactly the kind of adorable, relatively useless shit we Hogabooms fritter our time on instead of keeping our lawn tidy.
Another cute manicure at Design Fetish. Don’t be thinking I regularly do this sort of thing. I have weeks-old dusty blue stuff flaking all the way off and am likely not going to get to that anytime soon.
Foodie: Grilled Asparagus (as if anyone needed a reminder); also, a homemade Snicker’s bar? Fuck yes. And finally: How to slice a cheesecake! Seriously. I had to figure this out on Wednesday for the Conch.
When loathing feels normal, don’t buy it, fresh from Elizabeth at My Milk Spilt. No one needs to weigh in on why they may find women’s magazines defensible, fun, or a guilty pleasure. I am not the Lady Magazine police, and I recognize these publications are popular. But if anyone would like to weigh in on reasons they chose to stop reading or subscribing, I encourage you to do so – either here, or at the source article (and speaking of, here’s a great post by Snarky’s Machine on the topic). I’ll post my own comments soon.
In the must-see category: Wednesday night Ralph and I watched Bigger, Stronger, Faster (2008) (on Netflix Instant) and I found it so incredibly wonderful. I read a lot about body image and self esteem regarding issues most particular to women; this film in essential in understanding more of the picture, specifically with regards to male role models in America. Just: an incredible documentary.
Indian Country Responds to Geronimo, bin Laden Connection. Read and drink deeply – a thoughtful and measured response, one we likely won’t see getting as much credence or civil discussion in the MSM.
And finally: in the Best Youtube I’ve Seen This Week category – I give you these two awesome ladies… discussing the magical and phoney-ass hymen.
Another great link round-up, Kelly! I saw you mention the hymen video earlier this week and I never got to it, so thanks for including it (though I disagree about nipple action–MOAR nipple action please, or as I like to call them, Clits #2 & #3. I will qualify that with post childbirth, that wasn’t the case before, when I had almost no sensation in my nipples, but anyway…) I also liked Shannon’s post about envy and choosing for ourselves. I was especially glad she addressed that topic as her book (Radical Homemaker)ranckles with the privilege I feel she sometimes doesn’t address. Enjoy your weekend!
@Amy
First, let me say I’m not an expert on women’s sexuality of course, and while I’ve read compelling stuff, I haven’t yet earnestly began to study more. But yes, all women are different and respond differently depending on what’s going on in their life or what changes they’ve gone through (I’ve received many positive changes after childbirth, too). And then what people often don’t realize is that within the same sexual experience a woman’s receptivity changes – when a woman is ready for MOAR this or that is fluid and depends on her desire cycle (there’s some fancy graph about that somewhere), most women aren’t robots. It’s a cliche and seems rather ignored, that sex drive is largely affected by one’s mental, spiritual, and emotional state but my experience and that I’ve heard from many other women seems to bolster that concept. And personally, I’ve had some horrible experiences with people who clearly heard “go straight to twiddling/stroking/grinding on/grabbing this/that, use this motion and you can’t fail”. Being handled by a technique-guru is repellant. Glad I haven’t had to deal with that in more than a decade.
When I think about the way women’s sexuality is framed it’s actually a bit frightening. I was looking up low desire in men and women on a popular medical website and, when it came to women, almost every bit of advice was “take this pill, something is wrong with YOU” (meanwhile ladymags tell you to “fake it till you make it” – buy this teddy and put some candles up). I haven’t read a lot of work that talks about some problems I think are quite influential regarding women’s desire and sex life: for instance, their body image (I do see the myriad amounts of advice telling them to LOSE weight and they will magically feel sexy), the disproportionate amount of domestic and other-care work assigned to them (studies show someone caring for another human being, whether an aging parent or a child etc, is related to lower sexual desire, across both sexes), the effect of stress and economic strain (hello wage gap, women/children way more affected by poverty, food insecurity, etc). At this point and due to the lack of mainstream discussion of the above factors, I start to think what the medical establishment, mainstream media, and even individual people really want to do is not so much care for women who self-identify as wanting a better sex life, but just apply pressure as follows: women, you OWE dudes sex, so get the job done.
You can imagine why jokes about women/wives being cold fish, and men/husbands wanting more sex har har, leave me cold (also of course, this ignores when the woman in a het partnership is the high-desire partner, but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms). The fact we rarely hear about positive strategies regarding non-het couples is telling, too.
Thanks for your comment!