going low & lately

Nels comes in the house crying; cheeks flushed from cold-weather play, head back, mouth open, tears showering like an anime cartoon. He’s wailing as one of the neighborhood boys threatened Nels’ (new, homesewn, much-beloved) hat, the boy brandishing dogshit on his shoe.

Nels thinks the hat is ruined, he’s betrayed beyond measure that someone could be such an ass. I tell him, “Nels, it’s okay, we can fix it” (the hat seems fine). After a minute of crying and brief relief in my arms I repeat: “Hey little guy, we can fix it.” Then: “I’ll fix him,” my son announces grimly, a little blonde stormcloud stomping out the front door to what denouement I do not know.

I hear a phrase a lot lately, “When you’re ass is falling off,” usually preceding a suggestion to find some help, fast. Let this post be a tender debut of official notification, just the last day or so, I think yeah, my ass is falling off.

I have one primary complaint. Or rather, not a complaint exactly, just a scenario I have not yet made peace with: the last several days I have been in near constant pain. Usually on a scale of zero to ten it’s somewhere in the three range. Not too bad, but most the day or all day long, and frankly the whole thing is beginning to wear on me. That and, lying down to sleep and the pain is suddenly a dull agony that keeps me up. I’m plagued with bad dreams the last few nights which leave me disturbed even in the early waking hours.

Today I had my second acupuncturists’ appointment. Last week, my first experience, all was very groovy. Today I experienced a lot of pain (needles were placed in a lot of different places than last week), which I was assured wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I left about an hour later, neck bruised lightly from cupping, scented pleasantly by ginger, ear seeds taped to my ear and feeling curiously touched to have a practitioner care for me. And, might I add, feeling better.

Later on a walk with a friend and her young baby, as well as my two kiddos; memories bringing back having such a little one, while my kids squirrelled and argued with one another in the sunshine. On the trail I collected woolly bear caterpillers and a few last-ditch cattails for my son, who adores such things. The sun brilliant though the air is cold. Deep breath and trying to be of service, to help others, to take care of myself.

Tonight: a date out with my husband. My appetite, meh. I’m glad to have time with him and to talk about our respective days. He’s a loving and caring man when I’m ill. Lately I’m ill more often than he is, which is a bit novel.

Breathe in, breathe out. Rest. Repeat.

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