A few days ago via Twitter my friend Elizabeth addressed fellow radical and unschooling proponent Idzie and myself:
Hey smart ladies, random question, do u identify with anarchism at all? Is unschooling/gentle parenting lived anarchism?
I am quite unqualified to write much on anarchy, but I will note here, briefly, that Idzie self-identifies as a green post-leftist anarchist and you can read some great stuff on her blog. For my part, the concept of anarchy is one that, what little I know of it, I have a great deal of respect for (I recently read somewhere, “no nukes, no wars, no laws, no morals and no conformity”).
I notice knee-jerk biases against non-schooling and/or non-punitive parenting often sound quite similar to reflexive dismissals of anarchy – or any practice eschewing authoritarianism, a culture of expertism, and concepts of meritocratic structure. The mainstream reaction to the word “anarchy” is not a positive one: many identify anarchy as germane to and necessarily resulting in chaos and crime, disarray and disorder, a great deal more violence than already exists, of course, and some kind of feral state of humanity where all our Evil is manifested and all the breathtaking instincts of every other animal on the planet is entirely missing: “the terrorists have won”, total disrepair and a breakdown of civilization (because, of course, in the mind of many civilization is inherently a good thing). Think Mad Max, but without the saving grace of a young Mel Gibson in leather pants.*
And that’s what people, by and large, predict about unschooling, life learning, or living without compulsory schooling. It’s not going to work, and it’s going to be a Very Bad Idea. I’m not talking about open-minded questions or even some fair skepticism, conversations I’ve engaged in many times with a fair degree of lightness, usually – I’m talking about vitriol, labeling the lifestyle as resulting in an Underclass of ignoramuses, or on the other end of the spectrum being an offensive exercise in unexamined privilege; at turns either over-involved, or neglectful. In fact it’s the demonstrably ignorant, wildly vacillating, and mutually exclusive nature of the most vigorous and spiteful criticisms that made my partner and my tentative foray from public education to homeschooling to living without school all the easier. As we considered these criticisms, the whole culturally-prescribed normative edicts just collapsed like a house of cards, while our family thrived.
At root, these biases against even listening with an open mind to the principles of anarchy or living without school seem to have a root basis: a profound distrust of human beings. I note that in the case of living without school, there is also an incredibly strong adultist response (rooted in how we were trained to view children, while we ourselves were growing up). This profound distrust of human beings and the resultant affinity with a poisonous pedagogy is, when it comes down to it, a spiritual or moral choice we make with our every thought, and it is a way of life we create with our every action. Do you personally believe God (or the cosmos, or whatever) made a mistake when He (or whatever) created humans, so “fearfully and wonderfully made”? Do you personally believe children have naughty, querulous, non-empathetic, and lazy natures that only the wise, firm hand of adults and institutions can and should properly mold?
I hope it’s obvious you don’t have to answer here, or to me. Ever. This is all your business; and as a direct result, your attitudes and beliefs will make it the business of everyone else you come into contact with.
Although many would like to believe otherwise, it has been pointed out to me rather convincingly that school was primarily created so we could continue with our Industrial Revolution and capitalist values and way of life, however well-intentioned many proponents are today. Many families currently live a reality that would make it very hard indeed to care for their own young during the day; USian culture’s child-unfriendly public spaces make this even more so the case. Consider: how much do we culturally value in a holistic way those who put the time in caring for the child class, and how much do we culturally value the nourishing of the spiritual and emotional health of all families? Children are mostly institutionalized, full stop, and many families who love their children very much are a part of these systems because they have little choice, or even if they have a degree of choice, truly don’t see the value in participating as a member of a non-schooling minority. As for the status and respect we afford those who do the important work of other-care, I’m not seeing it unless you get paid. And in the money-earning sphere, the lip service to teachers’ so-called heroism is expected to placate these working adults who are living out their professional lives in systemic circumstances far less than ideal and often downright dangerous and damaging (although I believe the children are the most primarily and profoundly affected during formative years).
Compulsory schooling is where I learned how to regurgitate information and to sit still and listen to Grownups, because Grownups knew more and better than I. Compulsory schooling helped me learn a great deal of fear or at the very least, encouraged me to become very risk-averse and unlikely to challenge Authority, even when my heart and gut told me Authority was doing wrong. Compulsory schooling taught me the myth of the United States as meritocracy: people who were poor and downtrodden, well they weren’t working hard enough. Compulsory schooling never “taught” me critical thinking (as if children need this “taught” to them!) nor much valued the creative process and drive because, as my linked-to friend Wendy Priesnitz has also written, if compulsory schooling did value these things the system would not be able to function. The attitudes of by-rote institutionalism for children can also profoundly negate a child’s most basic needs and drives; briefly I remember my brother who received a D in high school Art, primarily because he didn’t complete things on the teacher’s schedule (today this makes me laugh when I think about the world of art, which to my knowledge does not have a universally-adopted timeline on how long to work on a piece!). Needless to say his adult life has involved a tremendous and consistent amount of creativity, and within the career he chose as an adult due to his passions he has an excellent reputation as an employee. I will also add schooling was not experienced as a positive thing for my brother in many ways; he was continually criticized and thinks of himself as a “poor performer” despite a B-average (yes, I checked).
I have observed children learn things profoundly well, in their own ways, when allowed this freedom and the necessary safety and support adults can provide. I did not experience this freedom growing up, which is perhaps why I was open to valuing and creating this reality for my own children. I mentioned my brother who didn’t much enjoy school; well, I did, because I learned how to be a Good Little Girl and because my abilities were along those privileged in our educational system – linguistics, science, reading comprehension, and math. I was a High Achiever in school, a straight-A student, and received a full-ride educational merit scholarship that delivered me a degree in Engineering within four years of college. I could write tomes on the costs of assimilation, a near-entire capitulation mechanism to Authority and Expertism, and my performance-to-gain-praise-and-prizes but I won’t here. I will merely relate that, much like my children’s experiences seem to evidence, it was when I began living my life for my own reasons that I began to grow character, to grow compassion, to be less selfish, to find my passions (instead of merely chasing income, status, and prestige, not that there is anything wrong with any of those things), to reach out and assist others, and to question those culturally-sanctioned narratives that hurt us all. The list goes on. I’m gratified to watch my children, who hopefully won’t have to “un-learn” as many fear-based theories I believed and strategies I employed .
I also find it really surprising that the largest vocal majority against whole life unschooling is by far those who not only haven’t tried it, they have just now heard of it and already hate it. These days, if I were to hear of a lifestyle I knew little about, I’d likely go, you know, asking questions directly to someone who had experience. Preferably, if I thought I might benefit from an open mind, I’d seek out someone who was having a great deal of joy and personal growth in the process. To that end, my blog is a catalog of our experiences, and my email and social media streams are always open to those who want to ask me anything at all (kelly AT hogaboom DOT org, kellyhogaboom on Twitter).
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all argument, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance. This principle is, contempt prior to examination.”
Today very few adults in blog-reading US of A grew up in a home that not only consistently met the children’s needs – physical security (home and clothing), nutrition, and consistent emotional nurturing – but that also allowed the greatest autonomy and personal freedom (of expression, of movement, of choice) possible. Given that’s the case, it’s always encouraging to see a grownup who was raised without such autonomy, asking how that sort of thing might work.
***
* Or if you’re into the really weird movies we are, think perhaps Warrior of the Wasteland, with all the senseless killing and electro-harness rape but without the heroic awesomeness of Fred Williamson’s gold-plated archery and fabulous mustache.
***
Edit 12/13 – You know what I forgot to mention? I forgot to tell an anecdote about our family. Like, if you come inside my house you will see a “normal” family (whatever that means), a clean and tidy house, food on the table, kids who are mostly polite and assist chores regularly and without being forced. Etc. Etc. I was going to write about our current experience a bit just to point out that, if you think life without school and with an exchewal of authoritarian and coercive parenting is all disarray and disrespect, you’d be incorrect. Anyway we’d much rather have you visit, if you want to see how it works!
Thank you.
Great post, Kelly. It’s been too long since I’ve visited your blog.
This might not be the place for this, but I’m wondering if I can ask your input on an issue I’m having with my kids — especially my older son (who is turning 7 today!) It does relate to some of the philosophies of autonomy you’re addressing here. Kind of. It’s the “S” word: sharing. I’ve tried to maintain a supportive attitude about sharing. I’ve wanted them to always be the ones making decisions about their things. I feel like my older son has remained so possessive of his stuff, though. And now I feel like I’m not responding well AT ALL to recent situations of refusing to share. But I do have to be honest that I feel sad when I see how he simply will not share with his little brother, and his little brother’s eyes fill with tears (when he naturally shares so much more freely.) I feel like I’m flailing (and failing) as a parent on this issue. Do you have any thoughts? Feel free to email me directly (can you see my email address?) if this is completely off topic.
@Bex
Thank *you*!
@C
This is absolutely the place to talk about this. It seems relatively straightforward for you to shift your focus from the older child, to the younger. Can you provide the younger child with matter-of-fact love and support, and Presence, when he is not allowed to have what he wants? This might take a little more time and energy, but not much. Also, does the younger child want to join in play, or does he want his own _____ (Lego set, teddy bear, etc)? If he wants his own, now is a wonderful time to provide him with things that are his and he can learn about caring for those things, and if and how much he wants to share.
If he wants to be included with his older sibling’s play, ah yes, we’ve had that situation. I couldn’t tell which child you were talking about when you said, “when he naturally shares so much more freely” – but we have one child likely to share, the other less likely. There is also an issue where the older child resents her younger sibling’s balls-to-the-wall exuberance, especially when she wants time to herself.
The way I’ve handled it, my oldest child has the right not to play with her brother, or share with her brother, and the younger brother gets to learn about boundaries. That’s when my comforting, even a lap to sit in and have a talk about what he’d like, helps quite a bit. If I intuit my oldest child is withholding love due to resentment, then I take time to talk to her, separately, about this.
As for the unspoken issue many parents have here, “Will my son EVER learn to share?” that is really his path to tread. If the adults and others around him model generosity, but also respectfully-communicated boundaries, and respect his autonomy, the likely result is he will become more interested in sharing. Some children dig in like ticks on an issue (I did, as a kid – and an adult, hee) and it may take time. But if you are trying to force the outcome and have a more “sharing” child, that is likely going to hamper the process, and your son may internalize that he’s not allowed to get what he wants, or he’s selfish, or whatever.
By the way. I should tell you I am also struggling as a parent with an issue or two involving my 7 year old son. It’s not the “S” word, it’s the “D” word. I find myself bitching at him about being “disrespectful” of this or that person or facility. In my best self I know he needs my assistance, and if I keep prescribing labels they’ll likely hurt him a lot. Maybe other 7 year olds sit nicely in restaurants or don’t yell when they’re angry. But the point is, THIS seven year old is where he is, and needs my assistance, but also could benefit immensely if I maintain a certain level of Presence, calm, and humor about it all.
What I notice is, if I have a talk with him before we have an event or go visit someone, he is more likely to exercise restraint or behave in a more thoughtful (of others) fashion. As it is, we’ve been locked in a not-so-hot pattern where he “misbehaves”, then feels terrible when he does something wrong, and I’m pissed at him (I either keep this to myself until I’m calm, or I blow up); and he likely feels more guilty and Bad than he should, since Ralph and I have been responding poorly at times. We have, long story short, been less attentive than we should, and more intolerant of mistakes than we should.
I don’t know if that helps you to hear, but your question helped me to re-commit to better practices. So, thank you.
Oh, and happy birthday to your older son! I hope you have a lovely family day.
That was SO SO SO helpful to read. Thank you, Kelly. I needed that, big time, today. I threw out the word “selfish” this morning to my older son and immediately felt terrible. On his birthday, no less. Of course he can be hold tight to his brand new gifts! I went back later and told him how thrilled I am that he loves his presents.
Like you said, the issue is that the little one wants to play WITH the older one (rather than taking possession of the older one’s things.) And the little one tends to share more naturally. I love your thoughts about turning my attention to the little one and providing comfort/empathy/a lap — he’s also extremely affectionate and loves a good lap, so I think your advice is going to help a lot. Him and me. Cuz right now, all my thoughts are focused on the lack of sharing, and that ain’t helping anyone.
I think my older son is going to be one to “dig in like a tick” (I can’t tell you how much that made me smile — great phrase!!) on this issue. So, I need to get over my issues of wanting him to share. He’s so in tune with me and I know it hurts him when he senses my disapproval. I’m trying to work on this. We also have some hitting issues (older hits the younger) and I’m thinking I can apply your advice there, too. I think I also get caught up in the fact that my kids really do get along beautifully. They are best pals and play so well together. So when there’s hitting or lack of sharing I gasp in horror. 🙂 Silly.
And thank you for sharing your situation about “disrespect”! I really appreciate hearing about that. I’ve been in your same shoes with that word, too. And honestly, sometimes when I’ve messed up in my responses to situations like these, I feel very alone. Like I’m the suckiest parent ever and the only one to ever lose it or say the “wrong” things. So thank you again for sharing.
Presence. Calm. Humor. I’m going to keep these words at the ready in my mind and chant them silently whenever the need arises!
@C
I am really grateful my words are helpful. This conversation helped me too. Tonight at sangha our teacher read from a book, and it was all about children and living in a spiritual way with them – not controlling them. I was floored by the reading, almost too much to collect, reflect, and share my thoughts. But, you know, I’m pretty good at talking, so I did share. It was quite a gift.
Oh, and my kids will literally be the most tender of siblings and soulmates one minute, and the next quarelling, sometimes physically! I think of them like tiger cubs. They didn’t do any fighting until they were 5 and 3, for whatever reason. I look forward to seeing how they grow and relate.
Thank you for the comments, and I appreciate hearing about your family. I relate quite a bit. It’s my youngest too who is better at sharing, more likely to want to be included, more likely to be hurt if he is not, and more likely to respond to TLC to help him move on.
We’ve been going through both the sharing and disrespect stuff here…. Though its too hard to write that all out on my phone, this convo is really useful. Do you know the name of the book they read at sangha?
@Bex
The book is called Novice to Master: An Ongoing Lesson in the Extent of My Own Stupidity.
Ohh…thanks! You even linked it to my bookstore! Love it.
Thanks again, Kelly. I’m glad it was helpful to you, too, because it sure has helped me. Sounds like our kids have a lot in common. My two didn’t fight much until 5 and 3, either! And thank you for the book link.
And because I’m nothing if not greedy — I have another issue I’d love to share. What do you do about a (newly) 7 year old who won’t wipe himself? He does. not. like. to do things (such as this) for himself. Wiping isn’t the only one, but it’s the thing I got all up in his business about today. He’s also not much for dressing himself. I constantly waver between feeling like I should continue to do all these things for him as long as he needs me to, and pushing him to take them on, so he can be more independent. Which he also wants! He (naturally) doesn’t like to be bothered, so I’m often reminding him that, doing things for yourself is awesome because then you’re in total control of you. No one has to interrupt you to annoy you with questions about wiping, etc. When I waver towards pushing him to do the stuff himself, I think I’m motivated by the fact that he’s the kind of kid who does sometimes need that extra encouragement. But, my “encouragement” is usually met with extreme resistance, so…
Anyway, I’m constantly walking that fine line. Is it my place to push him a bit, or do I completely follow his lead? I’m at a loss and truly do not know. My little one likes to try things and has that little kid, “No, I’ll do it!” attitude, which, while inconvenient sometimes, I find incredibly refreshing.
@C
“Is it my place to push him a bit, or do I completely follow his lead?”
Short answer: neither.
Long answer. My son didn’t wipe himself for quite some time, until six-something I think, but we pretty much just helped him and now he does it by himself and is quite thorough. I didn’t even notice when this happened, when he transitioned to being self-sufficient, likely because I didn’t let myself get too disturbed by the fact he wanted help. And by the way, we notice other kids who come over who do not have hygiene in this area and it causes a few discomforts for more than just the child. So there are benefits to helping our children until they can and will do something skillfully.
My son still does not tie his shoes, even though recently someone (a person without kids, but that’s likely irrelevant) told me he was WAY too old to not be tying his shoes. These days Nels puts on his shoes and does the first X part of the knot. I figure either one day he’ll want to know so he’ll learn, or some either helpful or busybody adult will teach him. For now Nels says he prefers slip-on or velcro shoes. No kidding! Many adults do, too.
In situations like this it has always helped me to focus less on the kid “needing” to do X, Y, or Z [goddammit! my mind would add], and more on what my personal boundaries or rather abilities and resources are. Is it really a big deal to help my child with X, Y, and/or Z? Most the time, no. If I don’t have the resources, it’s my responsibility to communicate this to the child in a kind and open fashion to what their ideas might be. Such as, “When we go to the Y to swim I am not going to be able to help you undress today, as I’m tired and it’s enough work to help your little brother”, or, “I can’t take you on a playdate today, because you and so-and-so fight so much and I’m not able to protect the other child from you hitting her while enjoying talking with my friend. Today we can stay home and snuggle or nap, but we can go on the playdate tomorrow.” Such a statement, in my best parenting, would not be intended to be manipulative. Therin lies a danger, as parental-established boundaries are tricky. I must 100% be honest about myself, and be willing to help as much as is reasonable for my needs and everyone else I need to consider – none of this “the kid SHOULD be able to” business (more in a minute). When I have things I cannot do I tell the child this in a kind fashion while open to the child’s feedback (I can’t count how many times my kids have come up with BRILLIANT solutions to scenarios I’d only seen previously in black and white!). There can be no part of me sneakily and secretly trying to “trick” the kid into learning a skill or performing something for me.
As I wrote in my most recent blog post, there comes a time when a child treated with respect will just START to not only take care of themselves, but help take care of others – and not in a half-assed or fearful way or joyless way, but from a desire of wanting to do a job right and be a part of the family. This is SOMETHING TO SEE and I’m blown away to see it unfold in my own home. In the case of my daughter, she is now tall and strong enough to do the housework I mention, but likely more importantly, she is developmentally ready to be a part of our community in that way. My son is also on that road, although he is not matched in ability or interest to his older sister. Believe me, part of me didn’t think that really would work, that kids would chip in, but I tried so hard to parent that way because I wanted to believe in something better than adult=master, kid=indentured servant. And those people who told me this non-authoritative way would work, they were right.
I could have likely “trained” at least one child to do more housework, earlier. Maybe, depending on how resistant either child would have been. But if it’s between waiting a while and letting my kids enjoy a hassle-free (or relatively so) childhood full of about 100% play, then having THEM cheerfully and thoroughly assist because they WANT to (seriously – wow!)… vs. all the work that goes into “making” a child do a duty, and how we have to be willing to take shit away from them, or yell, or bribe or hit or threaten… then they risk growing up with all sorts of negative associations with housework, essentially, to put it simply, thinking it as CRAPwork you resent and then when they have THEIR kids they pass that attitude on?
Ugh. I’ve seen this far too often.
Practicing Buddhist principles I believe all work is honorable and should be done skillfully when we can. This means, putting it in a crass way, to not have a bad fucking attitude about the dishes. And I don’t. The only time I start to meddle with my kids is when I get that “should” feeling, or straight out remonstrance, as the fellow above gave me: Nels SHOULD be tying his shoes. I can say from my experience the “shoulds” have ONLY made me more stressed, anxious, depressed, and likely to physically or verbally lash out at my children, and (in my inner monologues) think very bad thoughts about myself. None, absolutely none of this, helped.
The things you mention may look like personal autonomy issues – but just the same, your child still needs help (remember when they were one we were hopefully pretty cheerful about doing diaper duty). If you can reflect on what he needs/wants help with and picture it in your mind and know if Yes you can or No you can’t, then give this help freely for some time, and then compensate in whatever way you need to for yourself (honor yourself with 15 minutes of a hot bath each night, or commit to being OK with being late when you go somewhere, because helping your child is more important), you may find day-to-day living gets more enjoyable. If the family can be relatively free of judgmental attitudes, your child will likely adopt self-care and dress relatively quickly.
If there are judgments and emotions do not be harsh with yourself. Be as gentle with yourself and your son as you can. It is natural we’ve adopted twisted values from our culture. Our job now is to do things with more patience, persistance, love, humor, and skill – something we can always do, starting with mindfulness and acceptance.
This is such timely stuff, so thank you for this. I was thinking about this as of late when I was essentially lecturing my son about what his behavior was supposed to be at preschool. Before I would leave I would find myself telling hime how he was supposed to be. (and then he would end up stressed and would act out in a way that he wasn’t happy about.) I had a good conversation with the parent educator of my son’s school (which is play-based learning and just letting th kids do what they do naturally…play) where she said that there have been some interesting findings in how children develop and that kids are more likely to act out/feel stressed when there is this imposed pressure of expectations regarding behavior; especially the kind of thing where a parent is telling the child, “You MUST act this way and you MUST do this.”
I let off and so when I would say good bye, I would just tell him, “Love you and have fun.” Since then, he has calmed down and doesn’t find himself in situations where is is yelling or getting so angry.
“I can say from my experience the “shoulds” have ONLY made me more stressed, anxious, depressed, and likely to physically or verbally lash out at my children, and (in my inner monologues) think very bad thoughts about myself.”
Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I needed to read this to really see how true it is, and now it seems so clear. I’m so stressed out when I make an issue out of these things. Sounds like I need to talk to my son tonight about how I got all up in his grill this morning and tell him that I’ve been thinking about and I made a mistake.
Part of my problem, I think, is that I tend to be highly irritable. Or, maybe I’m just living that role from having been called “irritable” my entire life. But, either way, I do seem to “get irritated” quite easily. Not the greatest habit to be in when you’re a parent — at least if you are striving to be non-authoritarian, respectful, and accepting.
Your words are incredibly helpful, Kelly. And I appreciate hearing about your positive experience/outcomes, since your kids are a little bit older. Thank you for the time you put into addressing my question. I also appreciate your reminder to be gentle with myself, in addition to being gentle with my son. Because, man, I really hate it when I fuck up as a mom. I tend to feel like, well… nice work, lady, that’s permanent damage, right there!
@gfrancie
“interesting findings in how children develop and that kids are more likely to act out/feel stressed when there is this imposed pressure of expectations regarding behavior”
When we look deeply into our own history and that of our children we can see how these expectations, when imposed in an unskillful way with regards to our nature, have often resulted in us responding ungraciously. Or, to turn a phrase, “losing our shit”. How many times have I, in public, seen someone glare at a mother for a happily-running or laughing child, then the mother (or someone) grab or scold the child, and the child then cry or scream? So many.
@C
“maybe I’m just living that role from having been called “irritable” my entire life. But, either way, I do seem to “get irritated” quite easily. Not the greatest habit to be in when you’re a parent — at least if you are striving to be non-authoritarian, respectful, and accepting.”
I could be described as an “irritable” mom too. If by “irritable” one might mean, a loving mom doing her best, then suddenly breaking and LASHING OUT with terrible words or physical force. Then much guilt and remorse, rinse, repeat, do this for several years – despite my best intentions and despite knowing I did *not* want to act this way. Not everyone has my history and my mental/emotional health issues, but I guess my point is, if this parent can learn to be a gentle parent, just about any parent can.
Irritation is usually a surface experience; often deep-down we’re hurting or resentful. Our needs aren’t getting met in some way – and we’re the ones responsible to meet our own needs, not our children, our spouse, our job, Society, etc.
This is just me: dealing with those root issues, for me, has required rigorous honestly, supportive people in my life (including those involved here in this discussion), a cessation of drinking alcohol concomitant with a Recovery program, and a spiritual life. All these things, almost equally weighted, really. Here I am not dispensing advice, just sharing what has helped me, personally, the most. My THOUGHTS of wishing to be a better parent or feeling guilty etc, those didn’t help much at all.
I’m glad to have helped in any way, and thanks for creating the opportunity for a wonderful discussion!
Oh and I had one more thought to share. For anyone who gets irritated with their kids. Or their job. Or marriage. Or whatever.
Every day I give Thanks for another day. This can be just a mental thing or can be directed to a Higher Power or God or the Source – or whatever. And along that same line, I try to remind myself I SIGNED UP FOR THESE KIDS. I decided I would bring them into the world and raise them. No matter what, I still get to choose the spirit in which I live my day. Am I going to be a rudderless asshole if things don’t go my way? What if it was my last day on earth, would I be all groovy with having it go down like that?
So when I do this thing, re-center myself around my responsibilities (including lovingkindess to all beings), I am less likely to mess up and be a rude parent. I believe this daily or mid-day or whenever process is called, by some, “setting intentions”. This is for when things are hard – because when things are good, of course, it’s easy for us to do well. Maybe not everyone has as assy tendencies as I do, but I really do, daily, sometimes more than that, benefit from reminding myself this is my work that I said I’d do. I do it even when I’m grouchy and that’s what builds character.
“… I really do, daily, sometimes more than that, benefit from reminding myself this is my work that I said I’d do.”
I need to do this kind of reminding. I already do, to a small degree, but not as regularly as I, apparently, need to. I like the idea of “re-centering” myself around my responsibilities. Thank you, Kelly.
Did you see the interview between Stephen Colbert and Neil deGrasse Tyson? Neil was talking about how important it is for kids to be able to make mistakes and explore, etc. and that parents need to not be afraid of messes: “You decided to have these kids! Clean up after them!” Awesome, and it cracked me up.
(Great interview, BTW, if you haven’t seen it.)
Here’s the interview: http://tinyurl.com/cv8cxqn
@C
Thank you for that link! My brain is all full today, but I will watch it tomorrow & post my thoughts. If I have any that seem useful or interesting. #hee