My son gets up and dresses daily. He hardly ever forgets his pearls. I love he wears these and his Romeos and runs around outside such attired, not batting an eye.
I’m blue. A bit. My children have increasingly independent lives. YES I KNOW, this is the supposed point of parenthood, right? I mean here I am often talking about how wonderfully the kids are growing up and how amazing it is to watch them –
So yeah, I should be glad they’re out with their grandma, or gardening, or visiting, or buying groceries, or playing at parks, or bike-riding, or playing at the railroad tracks to the tune of FILTHY clothes, or making dates with other people (Nels is currently, at 10 PM, off having a movie night with a friend – after a day spent with a series of other friends), or rolling around with cats outside, or buying candy cigarettes or whatever. Life is as it should be if they only come home during the day to wash up and eat, and in the late evening to get their baths and cuddle.
And yet. I miss them. I am having a hard time letting them go. I do let them go, but I feel uneasy during my day. Like I’m supposed to be doing more, working harder, than I am. Like I’m still stuck in their toddlerhood, which was hard on me because I overworked. Despite the kids being super-happy and figuring their shit out just fine I’m sad or anxious. And let’s face it, a little self-absorbed. Because I let my kids go out and about during school hours and many parents don’t let their kids out and about with so much freedom, so yeah sometimes I wonder if they neighbors think I’m a Bad Mom.
Will I ever, ever, ever be free of the drumbeat of Mommy-shaming in our culture? UGH.
I seriously need to practice my mantra until it is deeply, deeply cemented in my heart:
***
Meanwhile – I soldier on with my work. I have two new collections posted at Homesewn: a pair of adorable toddler travelling suits. One is based in tweed and the other in velveteen.
& here’s a sneak preview of my next item – which should be finished tomorrow.
Ok, that is seriously the cutest boy! I love the pearls.
So happy to see too that you are heading to LiG too – I hope to meet you in person there!
LOVE LOVE LOVE your beautiful designs.
And yes, it’s hard. My eldest is about to turn 7. I have a 3 month old…which means I have one that’s totally dependent but it makes for a stark contrast, I feel like I am so far away from the older one (and in terms of my time and mindfulness to what is going on with him, I am). There is such a joy in watching him become more independent, more fully formed into the human being that all of his resources are working towards becoming. There is also that little part of me that mourns as he gets farther and farther away from the time when we were one. There is something so special in that oneness, something that the experience of pregnancy and nursing and toddlerhood represents really, in the whole scope of humanity (and even more if you believe that we are all just one living Earth-being).
There are those times when all of the right ingredients come together and for a split second, I feel complete peace inside – a feeling that I am complete. I think part of that feeling comes around for me when I have tapped into the knowing that we are all one and it makes me feel so lucky, so blessed, so utterly amazed to be a woman and to be able to have had such a visceral experience at oneness with another human being.
Love to you.
Oh! Those creations.
I have often wondered this about parenting, the separating out as they grow older, and what that does to the parent, what it will do to me. Every new act of independence is a throb of joy and relief, and a sob of wistful sorrow. Hugs to you as you live those moments.
Love that picture of Nels.
You made my eyes damp and I laughed out loud with this one. Thanks for the emotional roller coaster, ha! No really, thank you.