“life’s a bitch at it’s best”

I just found out my friend Sandy died yesterday. A moment where I hear the news and I can’t hear anything else for a couple minutes.

I am Okay. Mostly I am having a painful but sweet experience of pure love… the grief is inseparable from the gratitude. She was a wonderful woman – I’d mentioned her only a few days ago, because she was/is tough as fuck and taught/teaches me to be grateful and to keep things in perspective. She was fucking BAD-ass. I learned a lot of wisdom from her – including what’s quoted in this post title.

Sandy wasn’t just a friend, she was a mentor to me and the first mentor I’ve lost since I got sober. She pointed at me the other day in a room full of people and called me a Miracle. And yeah, that was really nice to hear because coming from her, I know it’s truth.

Loss isn’t so bad, not if we appreciate things while we have them. Sandy is another example of how this is true. I expressed my love to her freely and she knew I loved her, and I knew she loved me. I will be at her memorial service.

I am sitting quietly with this loss. We’ll see where it goes.

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