shit is all emotional up in this biatch

Tomorrow morning I have a minor surgical procedure and I’ll be bruised and bleeding, no that’s actually pissing blood, for a couple days afterwards. That’s best-case scenario as they may find they need to add a few things into the deep recesses of my body. And homegirl isn’t too excited about that.

I’ve been working rather intensely with a new-to-sobriety alcoholic. She is the real deal, young but a pretty-far-gone alcoholic with an astonishing story (but, spoiler alert, we all have amazing stories if we survive!). She is so inspiring I simply don’t have words. I’ve never seen someone so busted-down, let alone worked so closely with someone in that state… although I suspect that’s where I was at, not so very long ago. And her lowness is not humility or anything good, it’s the disease trying to straight-up murder someone. I’ve done my best to help her on a daily basis for a little while, and then – once she’s left my home or I’ve hung up the phone – move on to the rest of my life, where I am also needed. But I must admit, her struggles have me in a tender spot. She is (re-)instructing me how very important it is to surrender everything precious to me, to the dharma. To pray, meditate, and keep faithful no matter my fears.

So today about three miles into my evening’s bike ride I stopped trying to not feel fear about the surgery. It seems I am afraid of such procedures and I can do little about it, really. I can only pray, meditate, and keep faithful.

I had more than one friend call with kind words of support; one friend tells me his sister’s church is praying for me. This kind of support is so very meaningful, as is the kind caring my husband and children give me. I am a very grateful woman.

Tomorrow pain and suffering may come, maybe less than I imagine, maybe more. But today I am still here, and I can Be Here Now.