“… & never speak of it again.”

Today my Advocate at Beyond Survival looks at me and says, “I got a read off you when we first met… I thought maybe something had happened to you, too.”

I don’t really “know” this woman but I trust her. Deeply so. She has been a lifeline for me. I’ve been coming here to get support regarding my child’s assault – coming here as a “secondary”, receiving Advocacy services – since the assault first came to our awareness. After a few appointments it now seems prudent for me to present myself as a client receiving services as well – for events in my own past.

It’s hard to hold my head up, right now. It’s easy to feel lost during this process. There’s the part where I’m supporting my son, and my daughter, and my partner – and then there’s dealing with my own feelings, my thoughts, my health. Today: setting up another medical appointment – triggering, as they say. My family seems to be doing well but I am having trouble. The nighttime anxiety ramps up. Sometimes I have to tell myself not to think certain thoughts, to put them aside. It is worse at night. I don’t know why.

I am sober, and I am behaving with dignity. I am tending to my responsibilities and I’m even employing self-care (yoga, prayer and meditation, volunteering, Chinese herbs from my new practitioner, eating food on time!).

I am sober, and I am behaving with dignity. Other addicts and alcoholics who have recovery, will understand what this means, in a way that probably few others can. But of course, I have many friends who support me and I know they want to see me get through this, and help my family get through it as well.



Speaking of alcoholism; today I was invited to speak on a panel talking about volunteer work in treatment centers. At the end of our talk, one of the attendees – who said he’d been to many such panels – commended the five of us and said we were the best panel with the best information, that he’d sat in on.

That felt good! I need a sense of purpose and today, I had one here and there.

For that, I am grateful.

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