Today I spent several hours in service to individuals in need – people I am not related to. Some of the people I spent time with are not well, are not happy, are full of a lot of anger, and cannot or will not listen to reason.
On top of that I experienced a runoff of intense rage-and-adrenaline-filled behaviors in response to the playoff game tonight (and I’m not talking about the conduct of the actual football players).
No magic money appeared in our coffers, no gas in my tank. The bike ride was tits-cold and the dinner, modest. Our foster kitten pissed on every comforter we own so we’ve been laundering them all.
Ralph didn’t bake a cake, after all.
I’m about done with the day.
My conduct today has been solid, especially in more than one difficult situation. I have held to “restraint of pen and tongue” throughout a challenging day and have not created wreckage, pain, or drama for others. I have stuck steadfastly to my resolution to refrain from unsolicited advice and that has tempered my ego. I have kept up my commitments (as well as I can remember them) – even in the face of rudeness. I have asked after people’s health and wellbeing, and I’ve really meant it when I asked.
Days like today can sap my gratitude. Gratitude becomes less of an experience and more of an intellectual construct. I know the experience will return, if I can employ some self-care.
I will make some tea. I will turn up the heat. I will do yoga. I will take a hot shower. I will hold my kids, and let my husband hold me.
I will be glad that no matter what today, I didn’t act like an asshole, I didn’t hurt anyone, and I did what I said I would do, to the best of my abilities.