“I’m so thirsty,” my son says. “I could kill a cow for its BLOOD.”
You know. Not its milk or anything.
“A gallon would be fine,” he continues.
“Of water,” a suddenly docile young man amends.
Today is rough. Several responsibilities, and I’m feeling off, and tired, and anxious. You know a few years ago, for about fourteen months, I had this prescription for Klonopin and took it nightly. A small era in my life but sometimes I miss it. It’s hard to relax. Sometimes.
But I don’t get bored of “chores” (housework, errands, cooking, appointments) on days like this because these so-called menial tasks are bookended by some brief but really unsavory ones. Since I get to do shit I don’t want to do, and deal with shit I occasionally wish wasn’t happening, anything short of physical agony or emotional bankruptcy is still pretty cool.
My daughter burns some homework; symbolic of her Spring Break:
Later she emails me: “Google up ‘bigfin squid nope’. You won’t be disappointed. Or maybe ye will.”
Yeah, so. Days like today I cling to kindness: the kindness of friends, who support me in so many wonderful ways. I cling to humor: my kids have got it right, a lot of times when I simply don’t. I cling to the knowledge I tried to help others. Today I helped facilitate a meeting with about fifteen young addicts and alcoholics. Statistically, something like three of them will get and stay clean and sober. Today I tell them, “You’re the lucky ones. No one’s life is over yet! You know why you’re all young, right?”
And I wait to see if they get where I’m going with this.