My son tells me he may have a girlfriend; a young lady from Canada he met on a Minecraft server he frequents. The two of them chat all day long in a Discord channel and are just beginning to exchange photographs. He has mentioned this young lass a few times over the last week and during this time I slowly came to attention, realizing this is a very important milestone in his life. He’s had many girls interested in him in the past, since he was very little. This is the first relationship that has been reciprocal, although of course it is a very sweet and very simple one so far.
My children’s relationships with romantic partners I can chalk up to good parenting, or at least decent enough parenting. My experience was decidedly less wholesome. By the time I was thirteen I’d had boys at me, and spent far too much unsupervised time with a few of them (thanks to public school and semi-neglectful Baby Boomer parenting). My bisexuality quickly became a tidily kept secret after humiliating and scathing accusations; also, too, meanspirited shrieks of “dyke!” as I embraced a beau in the hallway. Into the closet I went! Safer (so I thought, incorrectly as it turned out) to stick with boys. Unfortunately the boys I found had horrible idea about girls.
You know the story. Unutterably wearying to me, today.
I count it as a success that Phoenix’s first beau is still friends with the family – friends with Phoenix but also with me! – and is the sweetest young man. Phee’s second beau came from a stricter family so we saw her far less, and haven’t seen her since we stopped having meetups at the rural school she attends. The last two years have been awkward as Phoenix attempts to avoid attention from the students in their college classes – all too old (another example of an intelligent boundary held by my progeny). Phoenix, like Nels, has several deep (and occasionally romantic or at least not entirely platonic) friendships online. Another difference from my own upbringing. The internet wasn’t a thing then! Hard to comprehend.
Parenting teenagers takes more finesse than parenting young ones. Parenting young ones is like molding hot clay in the hand; teenagers, like folding an origami boat for turbulent waters. Only a little here and there to be done, but with great care indeed, pressing the creases and then setting this delicate craft on turbulent waters. All that work you put in when they were younger, it comes to pay off – or comes to plague you – and if you are intelligent you will simply recognize this and back up just a half a step, ready to help when asked and hoping your child comes to you from their best self, not from a desire to please you or to receive approval.
It snows again; I sew up a little linen dress. I cut the exact and pleasing curved shapes for swimwear, in a severe black and white 30s style geometric print. I come upstairs for more coffee during the day, as much to warm my hands as anything else. My oldest tosses themselves across my lap and asks for me to stroke their hair; anytime I sit down it is a child, or a cat – and occasionally a husband – who lays across my body and asks for attention.
2/26/2018:
I am grateful for sleep last night. The cats woke me at 5 and I was troubled with anxious thoughts but I was able to fall back asleep.
I am grateful for time alone with my husband this morning, coffee and cuddling and quality time.
I am grateful to finish up a swimsuit today and grateful for my partner’s help in tidying up the studio, ready for work tomorrow.
I am grateful for hot coffee and for crisp cold weather!
Today I had volunteer work and I not only went, I encouraged two others to go. I do not know why so few people want to make time to selflessly help others. I do know that it’s what’s best for me, and best for the world, to do my part. And I am faithful in those efforts.
I am grateful for yoga practice! Today’s practice and message were very apt for me.
I am grateful my children tell me what is important to them.
I am grateful for Ralph who takes care of household things when I cannot or do not (and vice versa). I am grateful we work well as a team.
I am grateful for snoozing kitties all around me! Very happy and very warm.
I am grateful for the library and for books to check out!
I am grateful for payday tomorrow and to get to make some more plans for Phee’s birthday.
I am grateful for a hot shower and cozy PJs and a soft bed and a wonderful partner!
Goodnight!
2/27/2018:
I am grateful for wonderful sleep last night, and to wake up feeling rested.
I am grateful for hot coffee in the morning, and a peaceful home and time to myself.
I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner and children.
I am grateful for time in the studio, working on a challis dress. I am grateful I get to do creative work every day.
I am grateful for new clients (web design and sewing/tailoring). I absolutely love working with people!
I am grateful for my children, very much. Every day is very special with them.
Today I took Nels to the college and we surprised Phoenix with cupcakes and a birthday song, at their eSports meeting. It was a perfectly lovely event and we have more birthday plans in store!
I am grateful for yoga practice, and some deep twists!
I am grateful for a movie night, watching The Shadow with friends. And while I’m at it, I’m grateful for being back in the swing of things at BmovieBFFs – I wrote a piece last night on the particularly terrible film we watched.
I am grateful Ralph and Beeps had a safe trip today, and brought me back some vegan almond chick’n!
I am grateful for a hot shower and lime seltzer and cozy PJs and getting to snuggle with Ralph before bed.
Goodnight!
2/28/2018:
I am grateful for good sleep last night, and to wake feeling well.
I am grateful for coffee in the morning, and for a peaceful home! I am grateful for a working washer and dryer.
I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner and children.
I am grateful for yoga class tonight. I have so far to go but then again, doing yoga every day, I am very proud of that!
I finished a dress today and started two hats. I am grateful for my creative life.
A new client – hemming jeans. I am grateful for new clients and for positive word of mouth!
I am grateful for time with each child today.
I am grateful for a meeting tonight and to get to help a person new to recovery.
I am grateful for dinner – tofu and broccoli and tomato and cuke in fresh pita, and Italian dressing.
I am grateful for a hot shower and for cozy PJs.
Goodnight!
3/1/2018:
I am grateful for sleep last night, and to wake feeling well and wake early.
I am grateful for a wonderful yoga practice this morning, a long one.
I am grateful for hot coffee and a peaceful home and good heat!
Lots of housework and some sewing to get done before a trip out of town – and I got it done!
I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner and children.
I am grateful for a safe trip to Oly and back and to get my kid the exact haircut they want. 🙂 I am grateful for a lunch date, and for an opportunity to visit with a friend and a friend’s baby twins!
I am grateful for texting with good ladies today.
I am grateful for work with two other alcoholics, in staying sober.
I am grateful for snuggling time with each member of my family.
I am grateful for some scritching and cuddling time with kitties and with my dog Hutch.
I am grateful for a hot shower and soft PJs and my warm and wonderful bed!
Goodnight!
3/3/2018:
I am grateful for deep sleep last night and waking up feeling well.
I am so grateful we haven’t been sick! I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner and children.
I am grateful Ralph was home from work today. He made me a special vegan coffee creamer, and we went grocery shopping together. And as always we had coffee together in the morning. I love these simple times together.
I am grateful for yoga today – after an emotional upset. Very helpful.
I am grateful to finish up some admin work for my business.
I am grateful for payment from two clients! Made a tremendous difference in our day today.
I am grateful for snuggling time with my children. My youngest is starting to be more short-tempered lately so that has taken more patience as parents. I am grateful to be mindful and to not worry, to just be able to be kind and helpful to my child.
I am grateful for my kids’ successes in their endeavors!
I am grateful for dinner tonight – tempeh BLTs and veggie pot pie! So amazing!
I am grateful for the ability to apologize. Today I think I hurt someone’s feelings. I wasn’t entirely sure as they did not communicate anything to me. But I apologized anyway. I am grateful I have this ability today and also that I know it is important, even if the apology isn’t accepted it’s still important to do.
I am grateful for a working washer and dryer, and to be able to do a little plumbing fix. I am grateful for our home which is in good shape!
I am grateful for a warm soft bed and a wonderful partner to share it with!
Goodnight!
3/4/2018:
I am grateful for good sleep last night, and to wake feeling well.
I am grateful for hot coffee in the morning, and to get to drink it with my partner while we talked about our upcoming day.
I am grateful for a working washer and dryer, and for teens who help with the laundry!
I am grateful for good music, and sunshine.
I am grateful for an errand trip with my youngest, and with Ralph. xxx ooo
Today I got to work on so many sewing projects and to take part of a sewing class. I am grateful for such a productive day. I am grateful too for the kids, who know how to do some of the things that are important in the studio.
Today I met two new people – a woman running for office, and the baker who has been making our amazing vegan treats. It is wonderful to meet new people and to wish them the best in their endeavors and to support them in what way I can.
I am grateful for a little family dinner and cake, and gifts, for my oldest.
I am grateful for yoga tonight – it helped me deal with some stress I was feeling.
I am grateful for a hot shower and cozy PJs and now to be in my bed, awaiting Ralph, and some snuggles and sleep!
Goodnight!