I’m working on a small pile of mending for a client, and watching “Tennison” on the laptop. Repairs to an overcoat, damage from a cat’s ardent claws. Next re-twisting and looping yarns from a cotton crocheted overblouse, in a deep teal. Then: a thin acetate lining shredding at the underarm, in a heathered winter coat. For tomorrow: two pair of trousers with blind hems, a waist seam coming loose, a zipper top popped, and a sleeve unraveling.
I enjoy mending. I know many seamstresses complain they are expected to mend for their friends, but I am clever. I charge for my efforts and besides, I do enjoy giving clothes longer life. I dislike waste and we are particularly greedy and wasteful about clothes. So: repairs, then. Every project is it’s own challenge and this pleases me. The teal crocheted blouse, for instance: I mend the pull so well that when I move it to the ironing board to steam it one last time I can’t find where I’d fixed it.
I enjoy hand-work, besides. My mother was my first sewing teacher and one strength she had, and has to this day, is strong and consistent – if indelicate and highly-visible – handwork. Her handwork instilled in me the confidence to work at my own. My work is finer and more delicate but not always as confident and sturdy.
Later in the evening, after my volunteer work, I stop by a friend’s to pick up buttons. These she has had for years on a mostly-completed coat project. I will install these three – as a favor, sure, but also because the though of these lonesome buttons, waiting for installation for years, touches me in this small way. Tomorrow they will be united with their intended purpose. I am careful as I walk down the stone steps to my car, the buttons on a card nestled in my purse. It is very cold and very dark and I don’t need a fall.
The studio is still cold but I have music and my hot coffee and I remember to take breaks, to care for my home and my children. My children! Tonight my 13 year old asks to get into bed and he holds me against his chest and for the first time I feel smaller than he; whisper thin he may be but he is growing taller than I now. And we talk and I can hear and feel his heart thump under the clean white cotton of his t-shirt. Soon our children have birthdays; Ralph and I discuss how to pull together what resources we have and to make something very special for each of them. We have poured out ourselves for these children and it was such an intelligent parenting strategy! They are vibrant, and happy, and well-rested, and fierce. And I remain unmoored, now that they are so independent. Things are as they should be and I am semi-wrecked.
Yoga practice; my hips are opening up, and I am comfortable in a deep seated twist, cow-faced legs, my head rests over my shoulder. My yoga teacher, her online presence, has become so valuable to me for the postures she leads me through yes, but also for her humor and her invitations to gentleness, to patience. She gives me permission to let things go, things that hurt or “no longer serve”. After practice I take a hot shower and slip into my pajamas to join my husband in the kitchen. I finish a slip-stitch while we talk and he prepares dinner: a large green salad, spaghetti with a homemade long-simmering red sauce and lemon-roasted garbanzo beans. And garlic bread! A hot, delicious winter meal.
The oldest child sets the table and I put out mixers for mimosas (of sorts): lime seltzer water and a delicious ice cold orange juice. The children tell us stories and tease me while their father smiles at their jokes. I put my hand on his knee to ask him something, I can’t remember what but even now I can feel his warm thigh through the denim of his jeans. And I’m thinking while I sit there that I have got to keep focused on these things, these little bits of work and home and love and my avocation, my volunteer work. And daily keep writing my gratitude list and performing my practice. On my desk rest little notes on scrap of movie posterback and little bits of graph paper, notes that I need to put into the calendar or into my accounting system and then recycle these paper bits and there will be more notes soon. A woman’s work like the Updike novel, always moving matter from one place to another.
A bit of loveliness: knit chiffon painstakingly formed into small pintucks, an impossibly insubstantial garment that can barely be called one at all:
2/18/2018
I am grateful for a deep sleep, and to wake feeling rested.
I am grateful for coffee in the morning, and to try my hand making coffee creamer! It turned out rather well.
I am grateful for new clients and the opportunity to make people happy with things I create, alter, or fix.
I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner and children.
I am grateful for beautiful weather today! We started with snow, and then we had lovely sunshine and a bit of warmth!
Ralph fixed the bathtub tap today and I am grateful we didn’t have to spend money on repairs.
I am grateful for some planning for two costumes for twins. 🙂
I am grateful for volunteer work this evening. I was very reluctant to attend but because I told people I would be there, I made sure to show up. I am glad I did. And I feel better about myself for keeping my word.
I am so grateful for yoga! It helps me so much, especially with the anger I have been experiencing.
I am grateful for dinner tonight and for time with Ralph while he prepared it.
I am grateful for game night! Trivia, and then a quip game, and then time watching my oldest play one of their favorite games.
I am grateful for hugs and kisses from my partner and children.
I am grateful for a hot shower and a soft bed!
Goodnight!
2/19/2018
I am grateful for sleep last night, and to wake feeling well. I did not get many hours of sleep but I got enough!
I am sad today about a friend who has let me down. Today I am grateful that I don’t have to lash out or do something spiteful.
I am grateful for coffee with Ralph this morning, and time together talking about our projects and our lives and the things we care about.
I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner and children. I am so glad we have not been sick!
I am grateful for a grounding yoga practice today. I am feeling stronger in my lunges, more open in my shoulders, and can twist deeper. The best part is every day is just more exploration. No rush, just getting to enjoy the experience of having a body.
I am grateful for fresh bagels today for lunch!
I am grateful for sunshine today.
I am grateful to finish up all my mending work!
I am grateful for hugs and cuddles from both my children and my partner – every day.
I am grateful for a working washer and dryer and that we (Ralph) fixed the bathtub leak!
I am grateful to record a podcast with my friend T., talking about trashy movies!
I am grateful for movie night tonight with friends, a terrible movie and so many laughs.
I am grateful for a hot shower and cozy pajamas and snuggles with Ralph>
Goodnight!
2/20/2018:
I am grateful for sleep last night, and to wake up feeling well.
We had a snow day so Ralph and Beeps got to stay home – I am grateful they both got sleep and R&R and did some work around the house!
I am grateful for snow and for watching our youngest play outside in it. There isn’t much more wholesome than a child’s joy about snow.
I am grateful for yoga practice this morning, and to further deepen my supine twists and stirrup pose.
I am grateful for the health and safety of my partner, children, and I. I am so grateful we have not been sick!
I am grateful for coffee in the morning and a new vegan coffee creamer I made up, which is very tasty.
I am grateful for work on one of my websites today! I am learning more about web design and I am pleased at the effort I have put in.
I am grateful for TV – first on Twitter with two friends, and then with Beeps (watching a sci-fi/horror thriller on Netflix).
I am grateful for dinner tonight – homemade deep dish pizza!
I am grateful for time with Ralph today, especially before bed when he and I check in about our day.
I am grateful for kitty snuggles today on the couch.
I am grateful for a hot shower and for cozy PJs and a soft bed and a safe home!
Goodnight
2/21/2018:
I am grateful for sleep last night. I have been underslept lately so I am glad for a schedule that is flexible.
I am grateful for hot coffee in my kitchen, in the morning!
I am grateful this is my kid’s last quarter at college! I am very impressed by them.
I am grateful for the health and safety of our little family.
I am grateful for safe driving! We have had snow and ice and I am glad for every day we are safe.
I am grateful for time cutting and prepping some garments for twins; I am also grateful for time completing website work.
Today someone apologized to me in person, and all in all I think I handled the situation well. I am hoping for harmony between the two of us.
I am grateful for good music to listen to while I work.
I am grateful for yoga tonight – I have some pain in my knee and it has cast a pall on my practice. But I am still glad to practice.
Tonight’s volunteer work – I am glad I went although no one else did. I had the opportunity to help someone who otherwise would have found herself alone.
I am grateful for dinner tonight – fried rice, which Ralph made while I was out.
I am grateful for a hot shower and to get into PJs and a soft bed and share it with my partner.
Goodnight!