We’re roadtripping for Beeps’ haircut and my child puts on an 80s Spotify playlist. Fine by me. I love telling them about pop culture history; for the most part they love listening. “Oh man, The Pointer Sisters. Their music unleashed my inner sluttitude and for that I am so grateful!” I tell Phoenix about the video for “I’m So Excited” where June Pointer straight up stands up from her bubble bath and you see her business. OMG. In the 80s! Bless.
Next: “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. I’m laughing now. “Kenny Loggins had his day in the 80s. This song was the theme for a movie called Top Gun, which was a big deal. It was about these super-macho fighter pilots who end up at a super-macho fighter pilot school. Plus it was super homoerotic,” I giggle. I’m picturing Kilmer’s tooth chomp.
“This song sounds pretty homoerotic,” my child responds. Wow.
They always can see a little deeper than I.
If I had to describe parenting teenagers in a word, I’d designate: mercurial. At any given point in the day one or the other is furious at me – usually, with cause. I make a lot of missteps as a parent and my kids notice every time. Their rapier-like accuracy in pointing out my failings – however gracefully or bluntly – is not irritating. I appreciate it. It keeps me humble. I do my best to mend the situation, then go off to work a bit more on my own thing (I installed thirteen perfect, accurate, bound buttonholes in a thick coating today) – then ask a child to come downstairs and say, wash the dishes. “Yes mama!” – all back to sweetness and light.
This repeats itself about eight times daily. I take my own advice and I don’t personalize any of it. And things work out well.
“With some complaints.”
Today after class I pick up Beeps (while Nels sleeps in) and we visit the Chinese diner on Wishkah; mapo hot and spicy bean cake on one plate, broccoli vegetable on the other. Absolutely delicious. My child is showing the signs of their T injections, and this blows my mind. Their shoulders are broadening. They will be much larger than I soon – they are already taller. My kid liked puberty so much they thought they’d do it twice! I have thought to myself. Despite being a member of some good support groups online, it is isolating being a parent to a transitioning child. It is unlike any other typical teenage milestone but it’s as major as the more commonplace ones, and I wish I didn’t feel so lonely about it.
Last night we had a small family party for Beeps’ 16th; a lovely sky blue cake with lots of candy sprinkles, and sparkling cider, and gifts. A week ago I found a canvas of an Romuald Socha’s 1977 poster for Godzilla vs. Gigan – perfect! I won’t lie, it felt absolutely satisfying to see my child light up after unwrapping it. Another happy memory, another small entry in the books. Another year wobbling along and parenting this child, this child who changed my life in every way and continues to surprise me.
3/6/2018:
I am grateful for wonderful, deep sleep last night. I am so grateful to wake up feeling rested, and with my health.
I made up vegan creamer, my own recipe – and it’s so good! I had it with my coffee. A wonderful way to start the morning.
I am grateful for time to myself, time with my children, and time with my partner – every day.
I am grateful for my daily practice of yoga!
I am grateful for my sobriety.
I made most of a coat today, with tons of delicious details. I am grateful the project went well and is almost finished.
I am grateful for clients and to be selling some of my pieces. 🙂
I am grateful for good music to listen to while working – and a heater aimed at my feet. Helps me a lot downstairs!
I am grateful for a safe trip to and from Oly for Ralph and Beeps. Beeps is getting great grades this quarter (their last before their degree), and seems to be feeling good about college. And I suspect feeling good about being done!
I am grateful for time snuggling with my youngest, who has been having some trouble lately.
I am grateful for a hot shower and an amazing Thai dinner!
I am grateful for cozy PJs and a bed to share with Ralph – and Pip!
Goodnight!
3/7/2018:
I am grateful for sleep! And I am grateful to wake up well.
I am grateful for hot coffee in the morning, and for a calm household and a peaceful one.
I am grateful for an invigorating yoga practice this morning. It seems like it’s taking me so long to build up my upper body strength! But I can feel and see myself getting stronger, and I am glad for that.
Today I finished letting out seams in a jacket, and cut out the lining – and put away all the attendant fabrics. Tomorrow I should have the garment finished!
I am grateful for a friend who was distressed, who texted me today. I hope I was able to help.
I am grateful for patience during trying situations.
I am grateful for time with each kid today – and to get to help Beeps with some homework. They are on the home stretch!
I am grateful for creative inspiration in my life, and to get to do creative work every day.
I am grateful for a gathering tonight; a meeting with some of the best women in my life.
I am grateful for a walk with my husband and our dog, this evening.
I am grateful for a delicious dinner!
I am grateful for a hot shower, cozy pajamas, and a soft bed.
Goodnight!
3/8/2018:
I am grateful for good sleep last night, and to wake feeling well.
I am so so so grateful none of us are sick, and we have been enjoying a long health streak of good luck!
I am grateful for time to myself this morning: coffee, and doing laundry, and washing dishes.
I am grateful to finish up a coat lining, bag the coat, and to hem three pair of jeans for clients.
Today another client went on and on about how much they love the garment I made. That made me very happy to hear!
I am grateful for a coffee date and haircut date with Nels.
I am grateful for a safe trip to Oly and back for Ralph and Beeps! I am also grateful they brought me back my favorite Chinese dish!
I am grateful for yoga this evening.
I am grateful for friends who text or call – needing help or just to tell me what their day has been.
I am grateful for my sobriety. I do not take it for granted!
I am grateful for a hot shower and a cozy bed and now a li’l murder mystery to read!
Goodnight!
3/9/2018:
I woke up early but managed to fall back asleep. I am grateful for that as I needed it!
I am grateful for coffee in the morning, and that my husband stayed home for the day and we got to drink it together.
I am working on twins’ outfits right now and almost finished!
I am grateful for Chinese takeaway! Ma Pao Spicy Bean Curd!
I am grateful for sunshine! Incredibly it looks as if Spring may happen!
I am grateful for payday today!
I am grateful for my health, and the health and safety of my partner and children.
I am grateful for my kids’ social lives; they have good friends and valuable things they love to do, and they have a safe and loving home to live in.
I am grateful for time in the evening working with another two alcoholics; helping one another to stay sober.
I am grateful for a hot shower and cozy PJs and a soft bed!
Goodnight!
3/10/2018:
I am grateful for a deep sleep and to wake feeling rested.
I am grateful for a new mystery book!
I am grateful for yoga practice! Today it took a while to focus, but I got there.
I didn’t get any sewing in today – I was busy helping or attending to others. I am grateful to be able to set aside my plans and take time for others.
I am grateful for sunshine, and for time with each member of my family.
Today Ralph made hummus and pita and went off to do some volunteer work; I wrapped a homemade baby gift and the two of us met at a baby shower. I am grateful for events in the community like this, and to be a part of supporting other families.
Tonight I did a volunteer thing and it involved chairing a meeting and I felt a little unsafe at a certain point and my friend M. said, “That’s why you’ve got a couple big guys here to help you” and it’s like I would have back in the day found that insulting but today I know I need all the help I can get!
I am grateful for a gathering of women this evening; good women.
I am grateful for an amazing dinner tonight, and I am grateful the kids cleaned up after!
I am grateful for a hot shower and a warm bed!
I am grateful for time with my partner talking and hugging and kissing before sleep.
Goodnight!
3/11/2018:
I am grateful for sleep last night, and to wake feeling well. I had bad dreams so when I woke and discovered they weren’t real, I was very gratified.
I am grateful for our health and safety!
I am grateful for coffee in the morning and time with Ralph!
I finished a project I was struggling with; and in particular I am grateful that Ralph vacuumed and helped tidy my studio. It gives me a huge boost to have help like that.
I am grateful for time with my sister – a coffee/tea date and conversation.
I am grateful to watch two shark movies with Beeps today!
I am grateful for sunshine today – absolutely beautiful weather.
I think this was the hardest day I’ve had this year, getting on my yoga mat. But I got there!
I am grateful for a fabulous dinner – deep dish pizza and carrot and celery sticks with ranch. Soooo tasty!
I am grateful for a hot shower and cozy PJs and a soft bed!
I have a date to see tidepools tomorrow and I am so looking forward to that!
I am grateful for kitty snuggles and snuggles with Ralph!
Goodnight!