We are in for several months of absolutely stunning, perfect weather. We’ve had nothing but sunshine and warmth, and delicious soft rains. The daylight lasts well past nine PM and I’m taken back to my childhood and how much I loved those late twilights. During the blue and white, perfect daylight the life springs from the soil and everywhere the scent of green grass and blooms; the peonies we brought in to fill a vase are startlingly redolent with a heady scent. Everything is in bloom and the hot earth is panting and giving forth greenery. It’s beautiful here; I live by the mountains and by the sea. I may travel but I would have such a difficult time living anywhere else.
My youngest son has become irascible and peevish in this last half a year. I’ve parented long enough to not worry too much, But I don’t ignore those kinds of things either: children need interventions when things aren’t going well, when they are struggling. Tonight I made an offhand comment and he took offense; this is happening with relative frequency of late. He comes in the bedroom and lays down next to me I do not say all the things the adults in my life used to say to me. I don’t tell him he has a bad attitude or he’s snotty or selfish. I do not make condescending remarks about puberty or “teen attitude”. It’s a little damned depressing these thoughts even come to mind but, that’s how I was raised. Still, It is ending with me, I won’t parent that way. I won’t treat mine the way I myself was treated. My son holds me and I put my head on his chest. Both kids’ voices are deepening, and they are getting broader through the shoulders and they are taller than I and although we laugh about it, it puts me off track a bit. Impending old age and death, a ways off perhaps but sometimes it doesn’t seem so.
The older child soon creeps in and I hold him a while too. The two children seek me out several times a day. This is why, exciting as my career is, I can’t and won’t work fulltime as long as there are kids that need this. All kids need this. To think when I was pregnant with my first, I worried I wouldn’t have enough love, wouldn’t have what it takes. Well. I have what it takes. Turns out. What surprises me is that every day I can return to that intention, that not one day goes by I’m on autopilot all day. Sometimes I think parenting taught me mindfulness more than any other practice, or tradition, or lecture, or book.
The windows are open and I can feel the sea air and I can hear the trainyard; a sole candle burns on the dresser. The house is quieting although the younglings stay up late; they too are comforted by the long summer evenings, I think. Children of their mother.
I am grateful for sleep last night. I aM still feeling tired but I have been sleeping deeply.
I am grateful for gorgeous, perfect weather today!
I am grateful for podcast recording today with my friend E. I am a cohost of one podcast and a regular guest on another and I couldn’t enjoy it more!
I am grateful for hot coffee, and for yoga, this morning!
I am grateful for time in the studio finishing up a lovely maxi skirt. It all came together beautifully. I get to make two “mini” versions for my client’s daughter, next.
I am grateful for the health and safety of my family, and for my own.
I am grateful for the opportunity to help a friend in need today.
I am grateful for my partner who works hard, and is an amazing husband and father. Today he moved up a desk for Phoenix to have a better drawing station. And he made an amazing dinner, and groomed the dog, and made a midnight run to get me Oreos – all after a full day of work.
I am grateful for a new order for a client.
I am grateful for a hot shower and a lovely bed. Seriously my bed is like one of the best places on the planet.
I am grateful for a little sleep lately. I have been underslept but it hasn’t been so bad the last few days.
I am grateful for a long yoga practice this morning! I have practiced yoga every day this year.
I am grateful for hot coffee in the morning!
Time in the studio today, sewing up a dress in crepe. It went very well!
I am grateful for a date with my lady friends today, getting Thai food.
I am grateful for my health, and the health of my family. I have had a series of doctor’s tests lately and everything is coming up ship shape. I am so glad for that.
I am grateful for time with each child, and with my partner.
I am grateful for gorgeous weather.
I am grateful for kind words from my friends. I have decided to tell people what I appreciate about them, more often.
I am grateful for a new candle, for my bedroom.
I am grateful for friends who call and text.
I am grateful for a hot shower and cozy pajamas and a soft bed!