high as a kind of crumbly, low-flying kite

I’m quite suddenly on a few medications for my kidneys: Percocet 5/325, an anti-nausea to combat the effects of this painkiller, and a prostrate medicine (tee hee!) to help my body pass stones. I also continue to take potassium citrate – I’ve been on this chemistry-correcting salt since fall last year. Oh, and finally in the world of What I’m Up To, I get to strain my pee on a little stone-finding mission, so they can analyze the stones. It’s like gold panning, but not so glamorous.

I was reluctant to be on pain meds and had quite the discussion with the friendly be-ponytailed physician yesterday. He convinced me otherwise, and an ER trip for pain management is uncool in my book for several reasons, so I came home and started dosage. But Recovery seems to have affected me physiologically, not just mentally and emotionally. Because even at the minimum prescribed dose of Percocet I am nauseated and high. More nauseated than high. As in, I can’t move around too much or ride in a car, or I feel I’m going to throw up. Boo. Because let me tell you, when I’d get some pain meds I used to enjoy the effects – and drink on the effects – and I never, ever got sick. So a little over a year’s worth of Recovery has left me intelligent with regard to prescription misuse or abuse, but with a staggeringly low tolerance. I suppose I’ve known this about myself for some time, I’m pretty sensitive to drugs. Probably one reason why I didn’t end up an addict or even an abuser. Yet. I hope never to end up there.

It is a bit difficult for me to rest most the day. I mean a lot of resting. Take a shower, rest. Then get a ride to a meeting, briefly. Then rest. Rest and more rest. Bad vampire television, and rest. Eating ice cream and steak, drink cup after cup of tea, and rest. Yes, I know many would love a day off like this, but this is hard for me. I have a sewing project I’m wanting to get to, more than anything. It would be a mistake in so many ways, to try to do it. At this point I’d like the relief of doing dishes or going thrift shopping. It’s funny how only two days of inactivity is hard for me. But, there it is.

I am fortunate because I know this is temporary. Isn’t everything? Soon I will likely feel better, and I’ll get to sew. And that will feel wonderful. Today I tried to reflect on enjoying my life today. Not waiting to enjoy it, not enjoying it ONLY if I felt better. Whatever handicaps, whatever setbacks I might have: can I enjoy my body, my mind, my family and friends?

The answer today is “Yes”, and I’m glad that’s true for me.

owies

I’ve had kidney issues since I was sixteen, stones only (no infections, thank goodness, and no urinary problems otherwise). It was under a year ago a specialist first told me I had renal tubular acidosis, type two, and that this was a birth defect, in other words a problem I’ve always had and that I didn’t “cause” in any way. Which is still a bit odd to think about. Maybe because by and large I got about an eighteen year hiatus from horrible attacks, I’d just have one now and then, a few achy pains. I had some acute painful attacks last fall which resulted in treatment and a (minor but unpleasant and terrifying) surgical procedure.

Today, to my dismay, I had to drive myself to the ER because at about twelve twenty I realized I was about to have a world of hurt, as the pain ramped up and up and up. Passing a stone, I guess, or my body is getting ready to. It’s a pretty horrible pain, and I’ve experienced gallstones and natural childbirth (and unnatural childbirth!). So.

I didn’t want to take myself to the hospital. I didn’t want to be in pain, I didn’t want to have to change plans, which meant changing other people’s plans. I didn’t want to incur more medical expenses. And while writhing in a helpless and contained way on a small cot, and feeling more nausea than I’d ever felt in my life, so far, and crying by myself in harsh lighting, I didn’t want to consider another invasive procedure in my future.

But anyway all of that went down, and I chose to accept this, as exhausting as it feels. My kids and husband came to my side and helped me at the hospital. And everyone on the hospital staff was very, very kind.

In other news, yesterday some apparently very kind and loving ANONYMOUS soul left me a monetary gift at a local shop I teach at. That was wonderful timing as we are 1 1/2 months behind on rent, so this gave me some grace money to take the kids out and get some food, and save a little besides. I can’t think who the donor might be, and I suppose if they are anonymous I’m not supposed to know. I wanted to write more about this event, but I’m not feeling well at the moment.

So yeah. I’ve had a tiring day, full of pain and nausea, four needle pricks, IV fluids and strong medicine, and lots and lots of vomiting. I’m also having a medicine hangover so I need to rest.

But I’ll write more soon when I can.

Good night.