Morning Rehearsal

’cause things will fade / & things will start

by dailies

Kidney pain, while Ralph drives me to morning Jesus Christ Superstar on Saturday.

Morning Rehearsal

Rehearsal was great – as always. Except a costume I’d modified – for another member – didn’t perform correctly. So: I have more sewing to do.

I’m kind of “over” sewing for this particular production. In large part because I have two high-end tailored coats to create tout de suite, and in part because in general a costume – as in costume-quality work – is not my bag, baby. It’s a whole different thing. I’m not so great at it. I’m learning. And I’d feel more comfortable learning if I didn’t have a backlog of client pieces to get to. And pretty much August through December is my busy season. So: I’m learning about that, too.

It’s cold outside – but mercifully, the wind has died away. The children fill the house with laughter – a lot, a distracting amount – and a variety of plans and interests completely their own. Nels is making up these half-sheet, red-ink contracts as he tries to sign people to his band. He’s set up a music room upstairs. I’d sign on but I have a conflict with another would-be member – so, the drama of rock and roll is already in effect before the music project has been named.

My daughter and I spend today together. I discover – and dissolve into laughter upon the discovery – that she is wearing not one but two down coats. She’s like me – bundled up unreasonably. Her hair, faded from last year’s dye-job, falls across her face out of a short ponytail. She finds a gold cropped bomber jacket at a local vintage shop and begs me for it. $7 to make her smile. I’ll take it!

The windows are down and the heat in the car is on, and we speed back home through the sunshine back to the theater. Taco soup, and three-milk cake, and hot coffee, and people are tired out. And I’m with my daughter, her dear sweet body next to mine, wrapped in sweetness for winter’s chill.

 

VAMPIRES n shit

“just a bunch of stuff that happened”

by dailies

Yoga. Tonight on the floor, on my mat, my mind wanders. I think of a cigarette. Then I think how funny it would be if I just calmly lit up in class. There are so many people here on the floor we have to be careful not to touch one another. Heavens no!

Smoky aspirations aside (I’ve been Quit over a year and a half!), my body can go deeper into yin now that I’ve been practicing. The body feels great; but it is unpleasant to have my face on the mat. I feel panic that I can’t breathe. I return to the breath and tell myself, I’m not going to die here. Mental discipline. I suppose.

So: life is busy.

VAMPIRES n shit

I forgot to tell you – I’m watching a vampire movie every day this month. Almost all of them are those I haven’t seen: the above-pictured is one I have, years ago. Had to get a DVD and everything!

Puppy Timez

 Puppy Times. Not our puppy! Oh my gosh. This puppy was built like a cube. It doesn’t even have a job!

Troublez

So this is what I come home to at night. Nels says Herbert Pocket has “intelligent” eyes. What do you think?

Phoenix

Soccer season is about halfway through. I don’t know what I’m going to do about Saturday’s game; I have about four places I’m supposed to be at once.

A Shared Meal

Friends joined us for a movie. And some taco dip. And taco soup. It’s fall, so it’s time for tacos. (It was also time for tacos during spring, summer, and will be in winter too).

SQUATCHIN'

Working on a pretty awesome project! Unveiling in two days.

Just Before A Walk

The kids are rocking it at school – and come home with energy to spare. I miss them

– but it’s liveable.

 

Me, A While Back

reservations

by dailies

small stone #26
I did not look up
once today.

Today I wasn’t so hot. I got up, stretched and worked through my yoga, sat meditation, prepared my shrine and took refuge in the Three Jewels. Then I got on my knees and made a private and earnest prayer, all of my own. I made up my medicinal herbal remedy for my kidney. I spoke with civility to my children (mostly) and I brought my husband coffee. I pet the animals in my home. I put forth some correspondence, writing the ones I love.

My mind raced most of the day and I had to breathe deep many times to return to myself.

Ralph, the children and I visited the newest restaurant in Aberdeen where, as promised, we selected from a very limited opening-night menu. I was very tired and my daughter, across from me, seemed the same. Tall and willowy and her coarse-honey hair in two sprigs of pigtail.

My son sat next to me, smiling up at me, smelling good and warm in his flannel shirt. He chattered along near-incessantly, cupping a ludicrously-blue beverage in a white wine glass and freely discussing the food. He looks a lot like I did at his age. But he smiles more than I did. He’s tough. He has this wolfpup-thin little body but he’s tough.

And it feels like a long time ago I was his age. A lifetime ago.

Me, A While Back

tired tired tired

small stone #27
fresh bread
a plate, with olives

in other news

by dailies

RPing
Ralph went to bed a bit early; the kids and I stayed up. Phoenix and Nels are both very popular. Here Phoenie chats with her peeps.

RPing
She is so incredibly sweet.

Nels Snaps A Shot
Nels takes a picture of me, while we’re out doing our thing today. I think I kind of look like I should be wearing a power suit with shoulder pads.

Nels & Kobai
I stopped by at Rosemary Cottage to get some pictures for my spiritual community’s website. Nels was new boot goofin a bit.

Practice
Dedication to the departed

You Know You're Doing Something Right
Yeah, look around my house and you see a LOT of this sort of thing. I figure we’ve got good energy in the house.

More Drawings
Phoenix draws so many creations a day I’ve long given up doing anything other than now and then commemorating a few by snapshot or what-have-you. The kids have been up to some crafting (hence the yarn, pipe cleaners) from kits their grandma Betty sent them.

some representations of things that are more or less real

by dailies

This is Ralph and I (and way in the background, the kidlets) one year ago.

***

Mama
This is me looking happy. I’m happy because I was contacted to sew a few things for someone. I hope it works out. I seriously am already thinking over the projects in my mind. I also ordered fabric and I got wonderful stuff for good prices and at this moment I am happily ruminating on this soft goodness. I’m also about to go on a sunny walk with my son. This latter makes me incredibly happy.

On the walk I enjoyed hearing the very loud AC/DC blaring down the street. I was the beneficiary for several blocks. I was indeed “shook all night long”. And yet I am not sure how this rocker’s next-door neighbors felt about the music selection coupled with the volume.

We stopped at my mom’s and interrupted her work (canning peaches) for a lunch date. It was lovely talking with her and Nels was a little angel in Los Arcos, his favorite repast being the bean dip and their fresh chips. He gave her a sweet hug and a kiss when we parted ways. They love one another quite deeply.

Bike Ride
This is Phoenix looking upset because Ralph got the wrong date for her soccer practice (so we’re biking back home); this is Ralph feeling a bit bad about this but mostly wanting to help his daughter feel better. Look at their twin-frowns.

Fried Rice But Artsy
This is fried rice, tonight’s dinner. I couldn’t get a good picture. It is delicious. It is also fun because you can make up all the fresh and fabulous ingredients ahead of time and then whip the whole thing together in only twenty minutes and everyone is soooooo hungry and loves it. I’ve been listening to the family compliment the meal all night, especially Nels. I heard him speaking in wonderment at how Mama can make such good food. He and Phoenix and the neighbor boy are out in a tent in the front yard (supposedly staying all night) and he keeps running inside (impersonating a “zombie walk” of course) to grab more bites.

outdoor weasel therapy

by dailiesUncategorized

IMG_5297
This morning we were recovering from a late night. Ralph’s show in Olympia was a challenging one; the organizer didn’t put the first band on until well after midnight when what crowd was available, many of them smudgy and drunky, was petering out. And Ralph and Liights were on fourth. So the band, myself and our well-meaning and loyal and awesome friends and fans had to sit around until after 1:30 until Liights went on. This was kind of annoying but do-able: worse of all the set list had to be cut short (bar curfew), as in cut nearly in half.

Now that? Was just: Ass.

I mean the band played well enough but I think Ralph, Flo and Geoff were rattled. And me – just speaking for myself – I’m pissed because the whole thing shook out that way thanks to an inexperienced?/naive?/flaky? show organizer (who also didn’t get them paid, surprise factor: zero percent).  Now I’ve been with Ralph thirteen years and attended all his shows and involved with all his music projects and sadly this kind of thing happens. This person is probably a “nice” person and just doesn’t know what they’re doing. And not getting paid? Well that’s not that much of a big deal to us as far as I know, it’s just kind of icing on the shit-cake. The thing that bothers me is that my husband – who works so hard, puts in so much support for the bands he plays with, makes posters and distributes them and brings fans (who bought the show organizer’s album incidentally) and does everything he can to support other acts – my husband is sitting here today asking himself if he should be doing anything differently. I tell him look, we’ve done this, some shows just end up sucking. He’s still down about it though and I know he feels he let down his bandmates.  < le sigh! >

Hogaboom regroup.

Today we were gifted with perfect outdoor weather, warm but subdued and a bit ominous, so in the evening we took a walk in the Bowerman Basin nature preserve. It’s a lovely boardwalk, something around these parts that hasn’t been swallowed up by our cold swamp.

Bowerman Basin

The kids are incredible. They are never bored, seriously finding so much fun in hunting for and devouring berries, spotting and comparing slugs, jumping over little culverts and balancing themselves on driftwood and dozens of other joyful diversions.

Lurve 4

(Here’s a picture of the same two in the same spot, about two years ago – on a sunnier afternoon!)

Kids, RunningIt was perfect walking weather.

Lovely Flora

Trundle

Walking back Ralph had the camera and snapped a picture of me making a VERY IMPORTANT DISCOVERY:
I SPY THE STOAT

A STOAT! (with her dinner):
STOAT
This little lady ran past us, bold as brass, tidily carrying her lunch. She clearly preferred using the boardwalk to making her way through the long grass and underbrush. I was pretty excited about this. I kept saying in loud stenorous tones, “That is the cutest goddamn thing I have ever seen.”

Later I ran across a slug but that wasn’t quite as exciting. Hey slug, wassup?
Well, Hello

A good Father’s Day hike. I almost forgot here and there how much I miss my own father, gone almost two years now.

But still. It was a lovely day.
Ralph

Portrait

spaceship earth, circa 1983

by dailies

In part in response to my previous post, a friend sent me “The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wishlist” from secular-homeschooling.com.  I must admit I laughed a bit (although in general I do not consider it a part of my mission to spread snark) which was then replaced by fervent noddings at numbers 21, 22, and 23. In reading this I also felt quite grateful to be surrounded by friends and family who are generally supportive and don’t say too many silly things regarding my kids’ exemption from school.

Oh and:

From the archives: I grew up in a bus.  I used to call myself “So Cal hippie trash” before I decided I should not use the word “trash” to refer to anyone, my own roots notwithstanding.  My parents smoked pot and sort of parented all groovy (which means: assily), but they fed us and loved us pretty good.  So here I am, rockin’ the raspberry beret and breaking the hearts of my brother and some other boy we met at Yosemite Park.

El Autobús Mágico

It’s hard to see, but beneath the white wave-like motif on this bewheemoth drift the words “Inner Space”; this must be before my mom added planets as well.  Yes, that is a real wooden door with stained glass (my mom handcrafted that too).  Click on the photo if you’d like to read a bit more about our exodus from sunny CA to rainy WA.

ETA: Ralph told me this post made me sound like a hippie who was kind of proud of being a hippie.  I pulled out my cloth menstrual pad and slapped him across the face. And then I went and ate some bark, or something.

so i’m at least not a horrific goblin, or at least not all of the time, despite my occasional lapses into Suck

by dailies

I received two emails today, hard upon the heels of one another. They read, in part, as follows:

you happy? For the week following your email, I haven’t been able to do a lick of email work – AND IT’S YOUR FAULT. Engrossed as I’ve been with reading your stuff, I’ve kept wondering if there is an end to this wonderful tunnel of love & freedom. Lovit, lovit, lovit! Where did you get the devotion-to-kids, the insights, the compassion, the courage to be so open and vulnerable and brave the brickbats that are inevitably visited upon anyone as free? I’ve worked on it for more than the last half of my life (I’m 81), and I just get stronger and more dedicated. But then, I’m a trained Buddhist (Bodhisattva), with 40 years of daily meditation practice, so slings and arrows are just slings and arrows, nothing personal, nothing more.

I believe I love you. (So much for training in detachment.)

and then:

I am writing because I want to say thank you. There is no way for you to know how much you have inspired and uplifted me simply by being you and sharing it. I love to read your blog. At first, it was just out of curiosity. A friend or another directed me to it. I honestly don’t remember where, how or even who. (As a former Hoquiamite myself it could have been any number of people.)

I was deeply impacted by the realness, the simple beauty of life through your expressions. It has helped me challenge myself to be a better person. I find myself re thinking so many things because of your perspective. Thank you for putting yourself out there. For sharing pieces of your heart and soul. It has made a difference in my life. I just wanted you to know. 🙂 Have a great weekend!

Yeah.  So, there’s no downside to these missives. Thank you, readers – those who write, yes, but also those who read here and in any way find themselves helped, or pleased, or laugh. I know I can be so terribly dark-sided and I am glad to know that is not the only thing people find in me.

So, thank you Universe.

My daughter has been a solitary animal of late, little satisfied with her lot in life despite our (for the most part) compassionate acceptance of her difficulties.  She is quick to disappear into a book, sitting out in my mother’s old pickup truck in the afternoon sunshine.  I am both sad for her sufferings and impressed by her ability to be alone with herself, her autonomy.  She comes in a half hour later and is calmed; she seeks me out.  During the day, as busy as I get I try to lay down or sit down and, like our male cat, she comes to find me and be next to me. This is when she opens up, when she heals from whatever has been hurting her.  We lay in bed together and I feel her hands gently patting at me and I smell her hair (sweet or creepy? you decide!) and I know she is finding something in me that helps her find her way.

Mi Niña Sophita Y Yo

I am seriously so glad my kids got their looks from Ralph, or someone else.  Seriously, it’s no big deal being homely.  Just, it’s boring.  Come on, you know what I’m talking about.

Oh, and don’t be all commenting that I’m pretty or whatever. Or I will roll my eyes so hard you’ll hear them clicking.