roadtrip – Page 2 – kelly hogaboom

the longest

February 25, 2015

by kellyhogaboom dailies

Is it special, when you’re lonely?
Will you spend your whole life
In a studio apartment
With a cat for a wife?

On my mind today is a sense of illness – it steals upon me during a perfectly sunny walk in the woods this afternoon, and creeps through my belly, blooms in my chest. My head swims a bit. I want nothing more than to rest, to lie down. Instead I get to drive and haul children, a dog, a friend or two.I get to do the minimum amount of housework at home so we can visit a new family with a new – brand-new, as in born today – baby!

My children’s interests, activities, appetite, and clothing consumption seem to have escalated here, in their pre-teen years. Their needs for scheduling, and for talking out peer issues, and our plans for their upcoming birthday celebrations, do not make for idle time. Tonight I sit on bleachers in the rural school’s immaculate gym – splashed everywhere with the school colors of black, orange and white – and watch my son and other boys dribble basketballs, run pass-drills, and work on shooting form. I feel a softness in my chest for these boys – the little boys, and the “boy” coaching as well. I stand up and pocket my phone at four as Nels proudly hauls his backpack up his shoulder – before asking if I’ll carry it. My son puts his arm around me when we leave; he is growing so tall, so fast. His neck is flushed and his body elastic and warm from practice.

Today’s exertions have left my cough a little deeper than it was this morning; my neck and head ache. My body feels ill-used, and misses the weekend-night cuddles of my children, who go to bed before I do on school nights.

But tonight I am grateful to have once again discharged the day’s duties; to have remained true to the purpose. To have walked the dog and pet the cats and helped the children and held hands with my husband and looked into his eyes deeply and when he asked me how I was, to tell him, “I love you.”

Life is a gift and today although my bones are cold and brittle I’m grateful to get the chance for another 24. Breathing in, breathing out.

a trip to Portland, Oregon

February 20, 2015

by kellyhogaboom dailies

I’ve had a hospital visit, a couple chest x-rays, and a couple roadtrips since I last wrote here.

Nels dressed up for the cats at Purringtons Cat Lounge. Yes, that’s a real thing. Above: Owen. Owen was a bit of a trouble-maker – but handsome, and affectionate.

Emily with Rephil. Rephil was not shy about straight-up clinging to a lap. Anyone’s lap, really. A true sweetie!

Phee, looking super-posh. <3

After the cats: a soak at the Kennedy School.

Then dinner at Nicholas Restaurant on Broadway. Pictured above: Phee’s lamb kebab.

***

Now and then the cloud of depression lifts. It is such an obvious difference – like clouds parting for sunshine. I am wise enough to really appreciate my good-mental-health days fully – to savor them. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow!

Today I started sewing after a long hiatus. I have an ambitious project I’m debuting in spring, and I’m making the preparations now. Winter was a little rough – first, the tail-end of my busy season, then an unsavory experience or two.

One good thing about getting older – for me, anyway – is having a bit of perspective. I don’t take my time, talents, or resources for granted. I’m glad to have had a chance to put in some time designing and sewing tonight.

something beautiful that [I] can find

February 11, 2015

by kellyhogaboom dailies

Today was my 38th birthday. I took a picture first thing: before shower, before makeup, before dressing – before my first cup of coffee, even.

I had a wonderful day out with family and friends. I woke to a few gifts in the post – a large parcel of treats, and a package of yummy socks. My good friend E. picked me up and we headed to Olympia for this and that. While there, Nels and I each got a haircut – he made quite a change!

We shopped, ate food, picked up a few things, and headed back to town to reunite with the family.

After we got into town, I ran off to the yoga studio and sweated it up pretty profusely on the mat – nursing my injured shoulder all the while, of course.

Dinner at the local Rediviva – where the chef made me something special. More flowers, and a few moments with friends and my mother.

My mom made a homemade cake – a white cake with fresh berries. She made separate cupcakes for the restaurant workers too. Because that’s how she rolls.

I don’t have a picture of this – but Ralph found and paid a violinist to serenade me with “Happy Birthday”. Every year my husband finds a way to surprise me, and every time it’s something very special. It occurs to me now that he is providing a wonderful example for our children. I hope I am doing the same.

Home again – finally – and I snap a picture of Phoenix, who researched how to tie a sarong, so she could dress up for me this evening. Of all the wonderful, amazing gestures and gifts today this was the most unexpected. She is a lovely lass and as you can see – I am very grateful.

Flowers from a friend, flowers from my husband, gifts in the post: chocolate and clothing and candy and sweets.

My house is full of gifts, and warmth.

My body, tired from this evening’s yoga. My cough is a bit deeper and I look forward to rest.

I am, as always, quite grateful for the love I receive on my birthday. The loving generosity of family and friends is always humbling, and always wonderful.

Namaste.

Huntington Beach, CA, January/February 2015

so cal

February 2, 2015

by kellyhogaboom dailies

Our porch as we depart. I thought our raggedy-ass scene and wanton cat-house business might be made the funnier when contrasted with the glamorous lifestyle we were hours away from dabbling in. As it turned out, I was right.

Grey and a little clammy; we flee Aberdeen!

I’m unsure if anyone has appreciated a flight more than Nels. He was delighted. Phee acts like a pro. She’s flown about three times as often as he has though.

Crater Lake. When I’m in a car, I read and re-read the map. On a flight, I survey the terrain. Stunning – and humbling.

OK seriously, airline-that-shall-not-be-named – y’all should know better than to talk up your coffee on a plane heading out of Portland, Oregon. There’s nothing you can do to compete!

Um, that’s more like it? In-N-Out Burger. Peerless restaurant. Last time I was in CA we had a death in the family but you bet we made time to get here.

#swerg #swergittySwergSwerg

#noFilter

One of about three massive pool attractions at the Hyatt Regency in Huntington Beach. The most lush accommodations I’ve yet had the privilege to experience.

Night-swimming right away. Of course.

We met my mom out for dinner. This place was like a massive warehouse of seafood. You know that Simpsons episode where Burns dredges the entire seafloor to make “Li’l Lisa Slurry”? This place was like that!

Ralph made a friend!

Phoenix impressed us with her LOVE ACUMEN

Morning: two beds, many blankets, sleeping children. Perfect day outside. Time to swim!

Feeding the Hyatt’s koi. The biggest I’ve seen. Kind of horrible in their way.

Breakfast: the family loved this place – a waffle-oriented scene. But me? I needed something more

TACO-RIFFIC

Phee – another swim.

Doppio Zero. The owner loved his product and the family there was entirely sweet. Also: the best cannoli I’ve ever, ever tasted:

At my grandparents’ place on Saturday night: at the bonfire. I was pleased my children – despite not knowing many of their relatives, and the guests, who were there – were not too shy to pick up a musical instrument or two and do some playing.

At the hotel, after yet another swim! My only regret on the trip: a room service meal. I wasn’t hungry enough for it and it was awfully expensive. Delicious, though!

Sunday morning: farewell to my grandparents’ place. Forever. That’s a little rough.

This pic: somewhere in between lunch (with my mother) and our trip to the Aquarium of the Pacific.

(Nels, a li’l scared to pet the rays)

For some reason, in the lorikeet aviary I was the only person graced with a bird on her shoulder. My smile is one of pure delight!

Finally: almost home. And – sadly, some li’l truckers had to take a break:

day 5

September 10, 2014

by kellyhogaboom dailies

E. and I pull up to where Nels is waiting for us, after his appointment. He’s on the side of the rather busy road, standing upright like a little reed – playing his new (to him) trumpet. The sight of him cheers me immensely. It’s been a hard few days. The kids are in school, and while it’s hardly the free time extravaganza people without children might guess it to be (for instance: in five days I’ve had to drive out to the school three times; I am also literally a soccer mom which is a big time-suck); all the same it is a change.

Later, on the yoga mat: lying prone, sweating into my kerchief, not looking so “pinup-cute” as I get called regularly. Rumpled and tired, my wrists a slight throbbing agony. I patiently wait to return back to flow. I’m so tired I’m pretty good at just being on the mat. In general, my mind doesn’t race like it used to.

Home: sewing a heavy, disagreeable vintage wool fabric. It’s hot. The kittens race around the room and Hutch follows me with his steady brown eyes, wishing with every fiber of his being for me to give him Nels’ lunch chicken bone. Ralph on his way, after getting groceries. Sunlight through the curtains, the sounds of children (not all of them mine) laughing in the living room. Preoccupation. Planning. And then: gently setting aside the plans. I’m here now. I can do now.

Night falls. Ralph and Phee are off on a run. Nels asks, “What is for dinner, mom?” I am longing for hot shower and a bed to fall into. Tomorrow: a meeting, more yoga, soccer. Tomorrow: fabrics in the mail; a new project.

But that – is tomorrow.

pebbles and periwinkles

July 1, 2014

by kellyhogaboom dailies

“Did you see that rock? It was propped up – suspiciously,” my son tells me, in a conspiratorial tone. He reaches down to secure the recalcitrant stone – it’s about an inch oval, a quarter-inch thick. I am not sure what was so suspicious about it. But he is moving on. Then – a winged, red-eyed insect struggling in the water. The kids quickly come to its aid, fishing it out using a leaf and laying it on a sun-warmed rock.

“We need to make a sign,” Nels says, “‘Do Not Disturb This Butterfly’.” Phoenix and I share a quick glance. “Nels, no one is going to come along any time soon. The butterfly will dry off and fly away soon,” I tell my son. Still tenderhearted!

Goodbye, winged insect! And – good luck.

It got a little over ninety in town, so getting out to the river was just right. Somebody was scared of wading in the current, but that somebody got over it. Very proud, I am!

We borrowed my mother’s truck; my car is still not running.

“Patience, persistance, & prayer”, as I always say in my boring-ass way.

Below: a river panorama; quite lovely viewed large:

“i cut last night – would that explain the nausea and lack of appetite?”

June 19, 2014

by kellyhogaboom dailies

My son puts his arms around me. “I’m ready for a rest,” he sighs. After a beat, he whispers, “I would never jomp you.”

“Jomp” is a word we came up with. On accident. I told him yesterday I was going to chomp him. But I said, jomp, on accident. The kids fell into peals of laughter and then asked me what jomping is. I said, “When I jump up and bite your neck.”

My son’s neck. His arms which furl like tendrils around me. He tells me he’s going to solve a case – my missing phone – as The Cobweb – but he adds, “I’m disguised as a scruffy little boy.” Then under his breath, “I’ll brush my hair later.”

My daughter, this morning, arms around me with her head in my lap while I sip fresh, hot coffee. Her hair is iridescent, a dark waterfall, a brilliant teal. Her body solid, long, strong, lean; tattered pajamas, developing into a young lady right before my eyes, fingers catching hold of water. She is a loaded firecracker. She is full of righteous anger. She is tender and caring. She is fierce like a dagger.

Today:

Breakfast, prepared by my eldest; the younger child set the table:

And since last night was rough, a girlfriend and I – and the kids – took off to Olympia for GIANT DELICIOUS SUBMARINE SANDWICHES!

***

I am a Buddhist, and I don’t know if you’d call my chants “prayer”. I call these rituals “prayer” when I talk to others as much like the word, “God”, people seem to grasp what I’m getting at.

But do my prayers, my chants, my meditations, do they matter? I am not the only one I know struggling with difficulties. I have friends who are just being torn up by life. Friends who are going through pain. I name them at my shrine. I call them or email them. I check in with them, simply to check in. They are in my heart. I offer the help I can (food, a loan, advice if they ask). Mostly though I remember them. That is all perhaps my chants really are. Remembrances. I don’t worry for my friends but I suffer with them in some way I didn’t used to. My fingertips are on their pulse but I have no prescription, no magic pill.

Watching other human beings grow, and cope with their lot with dignity. It’s today’s “drug of choice”, this world of the spirit. It is an exhilarating place. I live, because others do the same.

Tonight: hot shower, glass of water. I set white sage alight; I put match to a honey candle. Turn down a newly-washed bed. Pull a child into my arm. Put my back into my husband, the crook of his broad chest, his strong arms.

To sleep; to wake, and work again.

home dec

May 10, 2014

by kellyhogaboom dailies

Today one of my little household projects came to fruition: new curtains for my bathroom. I think… well… some of my friends might have heard me swear I’d never sew curtains again. Maybe I even shook my fist. Nevertheless, I am pleased with these. The fabric was only in my possession a few hours before it was sewn up. Last night our friend E. accompanied Ralph, Nels and I up to Olympia where I found a really lovely seaweed-y floral on sale:

I also picked up the framing job I’d coupon’d and saved up for – for a screenprint by my friend Robin:

So. Bathroom pix it is. Above one of the doors, the little figurines a friend dropped by a little while back – love them!

A sculpture up by the light – also by Robin:

The little enamelware cups I use to store a few items – our bathroom is very small so we need to be creative to keep things tidy:

And of course – a figure of the Buddha (above our mirror). I have been (slowly) collecting Buddha figures that reflect the character or sentiment of the room they adorn. I think of our bathroom as being full of light and water, so a wooden effigy seemed apt:

It’s wonderful having a space that feels calm and nurturing.

a gradual thaw

March 21, 2014

by kellyhogaboom dailies

Nels and I pass the Trave-Lure in Aberdeen. “‘Aberdeen’s Finest’,” my son says, making “air-dick quotes” with his hands. I laugh – to myself – but keep quiet. I am thinking about the lives we live and how the world drives past. So many suffer and suffering doesn’t have a downtown crummy address especially; it lives in the human heart.

A moment later my boy asks, “Mom? What’s the difference between a motel, a hotel, an inn, and a cozy?” A COZY! What is this, even? And I am dying over how his voice sounds when he says the word, “cozy”. I don’t want to tell him a “cozy” is not anything in the hospitality industry, because basically I never want to hear him stop saying “cozy.”

I tell him what little I know. This leads to a frank discussion of a vacation: Nels wants one. The sun is out, first day of spring, and anything seems possible, even if it’s kind of not.

Spring. It is a little incredible to believe it is here. But it is. The buds are flowering; the air, though still cold, is changing. The sun is out and it has a favorable look.

Nels called his father today for a favor – asking Ralph to drive out to pick up Phoenix, so we would have time to visit the “wildcats” out in Westport. Ralph didn’t know what our son meant, so asked me for the phone, to clarify. When I explained Nels meant, feral cats that live at the jetty, Ralph laughed. And of course our son took no small delight in finding, and attempting to feed, the ragtag little bunch flitting in and out of the rocks.

“This is gonna get weird. TWO cats.”

My son reminds me that life is really good As Is. Needs no improvement, nothing to blow up bigger than it is, or try to make smaller, either.

tiny bubbles / making memories

October 23, 2013

by kellyhogaboom dailies

As some of you know my kids are down at Disneyland this week – with my mother. Monday I drove the lot of them to the Portland airport’s Radisson hotel. I walked them to their room, made pleasant talk, and then left. Like I was normal. I can still see my son poking his head out the hotel door, happy to send me on.

I walked through the lobby and out into the balmy parking lot. I climbed in my mom’s minivan and sat. I felt myself consumed with a terror and sadness. I recited The Three Jewels aloud, three times. I cried. Then I turned the engine over and got on the road.

Life is better than it used to be. Instead of driving in a numb haze of grief, I began to wake up. I began to breathe deep. By the time I met my brother and sister-in-law at the most amazing restaurant of all time (Country Mouse is very Country, & easily impressed) I was almost feeling normal – if hungry. I had a wonderful dinner and got back home a little after ten, to a tired husband and a clean home.

I have been okay since I got home. I have access to breathing deep, to being mindful. Seeing a little baby in a stroller today, kicking his legs, I got that pang. Seeing a tousle-headed blonde child at the hardware store, there it is again. I can’t believe how much less work it is, having no kids in the house. I’m on my last client costume of the season, and I’ve been able to work on that in peace. I can do dishes and laundry, and more do not pile up. It’s been nice.

But it will be lovely to have those little warm arms around me and hear their voices again. I don’t know how people can stand being away from their children but I’m here, and I’m standing it, and I’m even living my life a bit.